


Let me walk away from you

by max_lions



Category: Mission: Impossible, Mission: Impossible (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-07-12 12:06:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 32,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15994871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/max_lions/pseuds/max_lions
Summary: It is ironic how someone who’s running away from most life decided to make walking a daily routine for health, I’ve used to do it for a living, and I’ve used to do it to survive.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It is my first time writing a fanfic. Also english is not my first language.

5032, 5033, 5034…

studies say that walking 10,000 steps daily can make you stay fit,

5055, 5056, 5057…

but with the early onset of winter it’s harder to keep up on my daily morning walks.

It is ironic how someone who’s running away from most life decided to make walking a daily routine for health, I’ve used to do it for a living, and I’ve used to do it to survive.

5089, 5090, 5091…

Well in general my life is full of irony, starting with me walking in the streets of Vienna where it all started.

6000, 6001, 6002…

Two years with the syndicate was a living hell, it was two years of violation of my morality and essentially myself. I thought I’ll be a free woman after Lane’s capture but fate has its own way and the British intelligence tailed me with a choice to either live as a fugitive or prove my loyalty to the country. Four years of running a way can save me a lifetime of daily walks.

7002, 7003, 7004…

Kashmir however was a breath of fresh air. It is indeed a suicide mission but it made me feel everything I never felt for the past four years, Trust, Honesty, Partnership, Hope, Friendship, and Humanity. I was exonerated after the capture of Lane and I was free to be whatever I wanted. However, agents will always be agents. I am not fit for a simple life living in a house with white picket fence and 2 ½ kids.

6 months of being free made me decide to join IMF, surprisingly it was Benji who kept bugging me to join the team. I don’t know if the connection he had with me was because we are both British but I never have enough friends to turn down his.

IMF made me human again, I belong and I have a family. I almost forgot how to trust someone else even with my life.

I never expected to be close to the group, Luther was like an adviser, from the moment he told me about Julia. Apart from Ethan, he is the only remaining original member of the IMF, he grounds everyone especially when Ethan is out to chase more bad guys.

Surprisingly, Brandt and I became close, like a brother and a sister, He once told me that if I was a red head with a shorter hair I would definitely look like his sister, even with how I fight and act. I thought he was hitting on me but Luther told me that he never divulges anyone with that story, the story about his deceased beloved sister.

My friendship with Benji is an odd one, maybe because we have been in a life and death situation twice and we subconsciously built this friendship between of us. His naivety, innocence and comic expressions is the polar opposite of mine but it makes me want to protect him even more in every mission we have.

And then there is Ethan, his warmth, the light in his eyes, the honesty in his smile, the hope in his expressions. Every time I think of him my world stops. For years we have been dancing around each other, small touches here and there and seemingly manipulating each other but saving each other’s asses as well. I joined the IMF because of him, when Luther told me that apart from Julia I hold a special place in Ethan’s heart I know leaving him might be a good choice but I don’t want to be another Julia, I don’t need saving, I’ll care for him like how he does it for me, we are equals.

I miss the team, I am happy with them, I miss Ethan.

Although my heart aches for them, for Ethan, my resolve of leaving them is getting stronger. An agent will always be an agent but a compromised agent is a liability. I’m compromised but I don’t have a heart to fix my predicament, it is ironic that it causes me too much heart ache but I consider it as a gift. Leaving the team is the best decision I made for them, for Ethan and for myself. It is my way of protecting everyone.

I left the intelligence world, created a new identity, created several blind trails, I made sure no one can follow me. I decided to stay here in Vienna of all places and renovated a two storey apartment with a dance studio at the ground floor and my apartment at the second floor. Dance is something that I kept from my past life, I was a ballerina before hell came to loose and I joined MI6. It is the only retaining part of my past soul that I want to hold on to.

9752, 9753, 9754…

Two buildings away from my apartment and I can see my friend and partner instructor, Irma, she is the only person I trust here in Vienna, I did a background check on her and I know that she is not connected to any intelligence agency that could trail me. Forgetting the things I have been thinking for the past hours, I jogged towards my apartment to join her and to open my studio for today’s lesson.

“Daphne!” She shouted when she saw me. Daphne McLaren, a name I chose for myself, a typical british name with no trace of my Swedish or German roots.

“Daphne! I told you to refrain from doing too much jogging or walking with the winter coming.” Irma reiterated.

“My morning walks is beneficial for health and winter air only poses as a new challenge for my lungs” I reasoned out.

We entered the studio to prepare for the dance class, I made a quick run through the stairs with Irma tailing me and yet again telling me the pros and cons of running and hopping on the stairs.

“Is teaching dance not enough Daphne? I understand that you want to be healthy as possible but you should be more careful now”

We proceeded to my kitchen to prepare some light snacks, she made coffee for herself while I got my chilled soya milk in the refrigerator. As we sat down the table she continued her rant.

“I’m sorry if I am too nosy for your liking but just last week you fainted right after you dismissed the class, so please spare me some worries and try to refrain from too much activities.”

“I do appreciate your concern but last week was really hectic with the recital and angry parents, and the doctor told me I am fine and free to do any work. I promised you I would stop my activities as soon as I felt I can’t do much.” I told her.

“Knowing you, I doubt you would” Irma replied.

I put down my glass of milk, wishing for a coffee instead to bring back my sanity for this early morning talks.

“Irma, I don’t break promises, I will stop as soon as my body cannot do it anymore, and please stop worrying I am pregnant not Invalid.”

Thus the reason for my daily walks.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see a bit of Ilsa's subconscious

_The snow crunches below my boots as I walk to the bakery near the opera house to get the croissant sandwich I have been craving since I reached my 4 th month. Upon approaching the opera house I could faintly hear Turandot playing, I am not familiar if Vienna Opera house repeat performances every other year but the faint sound becomes louder and clearer every step I get near the entrance. _

_I vaguely noticed there are few to no people walking around the area even if it’s past 6:30pm._ _When I crossed through the pedestrian, I saw a little girl no more than 4 years old with long brown hair and pale skin in a silvery-white semi-formal gown. She looks eerily familiar but I can’t put whose child it is but the more pressing matter is the kid not wearing any winter coat or even boots._

_“Hey Kid, what are you doing here? Where are your parents? Are you going the opera with your parents?” I asked her as I kneeled down to her level when I reached her. I spoke to her in German not assuming she could understand English, I tried to warm her up by putting my scarf around her neck and rubbing her arms. The kid is too quiet for my liking and I’m starting to think that she doesn’t understand German at all._

_I decided to bring her to the nearest police station but the kid started running away and then turning to the nearest alley she could find. I thankfully kept up with my morning jogging until I am 3 months pregnant because this is some work for someone pregnant. Upon turning to the alley I saw her run till the end, crossing the street on the other side and turning left._

_“If this kid thinks it’s funny to run in this cold night, I definitely need to talk to her parents and teach them a lesson”_

_I could hear the kid’s laughter when I crossed the street to find her. I followed her laughter until I saw her standing at the entrance of a park. She suddenly offered her hand to me when I was a few steps from her, before I could ask for her parents she suddenly spoke to me in a perfect english accent._

_“Would you come with me? They are here.”_

_I took her hand and she tugged me as we entered the park. I noticed the place looks like the cemetery where I handed the disk to Lane, something heavy falls in the pit of my stomach. “This is a bad idea, I never thought the Apostles would use a kid to lure me” I thought to myself as I checked the knives hidden in my clothes and the gun at my back._

_“Where are the Apostles, tell me?! I hissed at the kid as I tugged her to stop walking. She looked calmly at me like she is reading me, the way Ethan does._

_“I don’t know the apostles.” The kid said, “But my parents are there, under the tree. She continued as she pointed the big tree at the far right of the park._

_She took my hand and started walking towards the tree, every passing moment converts the worry I had from finding the Apostles to the fear of unknown. We reached the tree but I couldn’t see anyone around except for 3 tombstones._

_I removed the snow covering the inscription on the grave stone and was shocked when I read Luther’s name, I also noticed the two other stones and was almost hyperventilating when I saw Benji and William’s names._

_“What happened? What am I doing here?” I frantically asked to the child._

_“They said it was okay and they understood” She sounded so mature for her age when she answered. “They needed to form a 5 man unit on a mission to Israel, it was a suicide mission and they understood why you have to leave.” The way she told me was not of a child I was speaking to earlier._

_“Why did they not contacted me? I can still help them?! I shouted at the kid, crying and hyperventilating after learning the news. This is what I’m scared off and it happened just behind my back. I wasn’t able to save them and they died probably thinking I betrayed them._

_“I could stay on the background and check them, I should’ve… I should’ve been there…” I said as I fell to my knees._

_I noticed the kid dropped the scarf around her neck, my motherly instinct kicked in and tried to reach for it to put it around her neck. There were two other gravestones I noticed when I picked up the scarf, I removed the snow from the markers and I felt the blood drain my face, I saw Ethan’s and my name on the two stones._

_“You tried to save him, made yourself a diversion so he could get to the target, it was tragic… he saw your lifeless bloodied body after. The kid suddenly said as if it’s not some big surprise. “It broke him, he lost his team, he lost you, and you know what happens to a man like that.” the Kid continued._

_The kid danced too cheerily and in the process removing the snow under her shoes that covers a smaller grave stone with “Baby Girl” written on it.” I died too you know, you were too careless.” She said._

_I backed away from the kid, frantically running away from her, I could hear her laugh as I ran and I could hear her running closer to me, I tried to look back but all of a sudden I tripped…_

I woke up from the nightmare soaked in sweat and my alarm beeping loudly beside me. As soon as I tried to move my stomach lurched and I immediately ran to the toilet. I rarely get morning sickness but I feel this is due to the nightmare and not to the pregnancy. I turned the shower to the coldest temperature to wash off the sweat and to completely wake me from my dream. I seldom have these nights but when I reached my 4th month and my belly became noticeably rounder, I’m having either dreamless nights or nightmares.

I worked on my breakfast right after the shower, any minute now Irma will be at my front step to join me for breakfast.

A few minutes later Irma and I are silently eating our food. Irma being a mother hen noticed my somber mood.

“Hey what happened? You act as if you’ve seen a ghost, you sure you can teach today?” She asked me while reaching for my hand trying to give me assurance. It took me a few seconds to digest what she told me but those seconds were enough for her to decide to allow me to take a leave for the day. “You seem out of it, I’ll substitute for you, you can stay here for the day or in the reception area.”

“I’m sorry, I had a bout of morning sickness earlier and I just feel tired. I’ll probably stay here but if you need my assistance just call me ok?”

“No need to worry Daphne, I can handle those little rascals, actually it’s not the children that needs work, it’s their parents.” Irma joked while heading to the stairs to prepare the studio.

“Just don’t antagonize them too much, we still need their money, honey!” I laughed at her antics.

The morning proceeded with me flipping the channels on the television while the class is practicing downstairs for their recital next month. They are playing Anastasia soundtrack specifically a medley of Journey to the past and Once upon a December. The message of those songs are not surprise to me but instances really make you face things you are not ready to talk about.

One news channel caught my attention and I increased the volume not caring if the students could hear me downstairs. The news is about successfully finding the remaining members of the Apostles hiding in Buenos Aires and court proceedings in the international court will follow as soon as possible. My mood brightened quickly and I felt a ton of stones were lifted from me. The Apostles will just become a story of the past, same goes with my involvement and the guilt I had from that.

The day went on and Irma noticed my sudden change of mood when she checked on me after the class. An hour after we discussed our lesson plan for next week, Irma told me that she needs to leave for her Nana. “I’m sorry to cut this discussion but I promised my Nana I will bake her coffee buns after class today.”

“Don’t worry about me, by the way say hello to her for me!” I said as she was heading downstairs to leave.

 She suddenly called me below to assist a parent inquiring downstairs. I freshened up a bit and when downstairs to greet the prospective client.

“Hi I’m Daphne Mclaren, how may I help…” I stopped, stunned to see who it was waiting for me in the reception.

“You sure can hide Ilsa, it took me this long to look for you and that’s a great feat.” I never expected to see Luther, I’ve set up several blind trails and it should take him a while to find me and not within 4 months.

“Hi, Luther.” I stammered.

We walked towards a restaurant I grew to love few blocks away from my apartment. Luther nonchalantly tells me stories of his missions as if my disappearance didn’t happen. I’m also not sure if he noticed I am pregnant, however my clothes and sweater eat my whole frame so I doubt he would. He continues with this stories but clearly omitting details about the team.

We sat at the far end of the restaurant, the turn of events reverts my mood to the one I had earlier. This is clearly emotionally draining me and if Luther is here to interrogate me, it would take me more than what I bargained for to control my emotions.

“How did you find me?” I asked Luther after we ordered our food. He asked for Beef stroganoff pasta and roasted chicken while I ordered salad, my appetite is not really working with me and the last thing I want is to be caught vomiting by Luther.

“I need to commend you first, you were really hard to find, I didn’t even know that you hacked into my system to refrain me from tracing you through facial recognition. No one in our team, even Benji managed to do that!” He said showing how proud he with my work. “Well Benji and I made a bet on it, whoever hacks onto it first will win tickets to Bora-Bora for a week courtesy of the losing party. Free tickets sounds like a good deal so we made it as our past time to hack on it.” I said smiling lightly as I remembered Benji and the bet.

Luther laughed wholeheartedly at our antics but was cut short when the food arrived. The smell of stroganoff was too strong that it made my stomach flip. I wasn’t expecting it to make me nauseous but I can’t exactly excuse myself to the toilet as he will be suspicious about me.

“You were almost a lost case for me to find for the last 4 months, I tried hacking different systems just to find any trace of you; facial analysis; body movements; language and accent; fingerprints; and all possible way I could use to find you but every time I thought I took a stepped forward, I ended up on a dead end instead.” He said as he continued eating his pasta.

“However, last month I got an alert from a hospital in Vienna about an english woman named Daphne Mclaren who was rushed to the hospital, she had the same fingerprints and bloodwork as you, although a lot of other things don’t add up like residency, body built, facial recognition, it is the first lead I had on you.” Luther continued.

“How are the others?” I finally asked the question that’s been eating me since I left.

“We had an unofficial disbandment after you left. CIA higher ups went nuts because they thought you went rogue again especially knowing few apostles left in hiding but Sloane made sure you had a clean slate and told the committee that you handed your resignation effective and immediately as you’ve requested.” Luther answered. That’s why he wasn’t telling me about the team earlier, there were no missions to talk about.

“I’m mostly in touched with Brandt, every now and then he says he misses you. From time to time he would mention that Benji is still distraught that you left and Benji would definitely hack all your accounts as soon as he sees you but most of the time he mopes around missing your poker games. As for Ethan, I haven’t talked to him since you left.” Knowing that they are alright makes me feel a bit light but I’m truly sorry for the team’s disbandment.

“Do they know where I am?” I asked, hoping that other will never know but in my gut feeling I know that Luther’s arrival tells me it’s not a far chance that the others will find me.

“Not yet, as of the moment, but I think you know what to expect after my visit.” He said confirming my gut feeling.

We continue to eat in silence while I’m trying my best to swallow my salad. Halfway through our meal Luther broke the silence, “How far along are you?” Blood drained from my face and I saw Luther’s eyes turn into worry as I rushed to the bathroom to empty my stomach.

“How can he possibly figured it out? Am I really getting rusty with my skills?” I contemplated as I washed my face after. I went back to our table and noticed our meal removed and was replaced with the beer Luther is holding and a mug of what I think is hot drink for me.

“I ordered ginger ale for you, they say it helps with pregnant women’s appetite.” Luther said as he drank his bottle of beer.

“How did you know I’m pregnant? Am I getting rusty?” I can’t help but be paranoid as I asked him, it’s bothering me that I allow others to see me vulnerable due to my pregnancy, my masks are my only defense left to anyone who wants to get to me.

“Oh no, you’re not getting rusty Ilsa, but your gaunt face; choice of eating salad knowing you hate those; your pale expression when my pasta arrived and of course some tidbits on your bloodwork about high hCG, made me conclude you are pregnant.”

I sighed there is nothing left to hide from an agent like him “I’m 4 months pregnant Luther.” This whole thing is draining my energy twice the rate I was expecting, being discovered is one thing but discovering my pregnancy is another. “Promise me never tell anyone what you’ve discovered today, I can protect myself but my current situation makes everything harder.” Worry seeping through my eyes.

Luther seems to notice my tiredness and he decided to break the silence, “I need to go now Ilsa, my flight will be 2 hours from now, I need to be in the airport an hour before that.”

We walked back silently to my apartment and as we’ve reached my front door, I held his arm to stop and ask him, “Are you not going to ask how I ended up here?”

“Running away and hiding from us is enough of answer to me.” Luther said as he held my shoulders. You cannot hide things like these from agents like Luther but I’m very thankful that he understands that I’m not yet ready to face everything.

“Ilsa, I just want to ask you to be ready for the coming days, I don’t know when they’ll find you but it will be better if you move past the stage of denial and guilt, and tell them what the real score is when they’re here. If you haven’t noticed you became a crucial part of the IMF as if like its soul. Everyone wants answers to clear things up.” He advised me as he kept his firm hold on my shoulders.

“Also, please don’t try to hack anymore on my protocols I’ve established to find you. You mentioned earlier that you can only do much to remain safe now you’re in a delicate situation, as your friend let me help you do it even if I’m afar.” I can’t help but tear up with his suggestion, I’ve done them wrong but they are still willing to help me as best as they could.

“I will Luther, I promise, I know you need to get going your flight will be an hour and a half from now.” A silent plea to him that I need a quiet time to process everything that happened.

“Bye Ilsa, take care of yourself and your bundle of joy!” he said as he started walking away.

“I will and thank you!” I replied.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Irma can't help but think something's up about Daphne and whatever she thinks may be connected to Ilsa Faust

For the past 5 months I've known Daphne, I can definitely say she is one of the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen in my life. That pretty face is not just for show, she has the wits, class and grace to accompany it, and she is kind-hearted too. I've met her in the train station at Karlsplatz when some stupid men tried to harass me and my Nana, and out of nowhere she came to sort or rescue us. Although most of the time she acts so cold that some parents call her the ice queen.

However, I can't help but notice her reservation to everything. She never tells a story or two about her family and she is too mysterious. I do have some ideas of what kind of person she is... well I think.

I feel she came from an affluent family, She thinks I only know her speak english and german but when she thought I wasn't listening I heard her speak spanish to an old woman inquiring to the studio last month, and french to a man asking for directions a week ago. A woman born in the middle class might know two languages at the most but 3 or 4 speaks money for me.

I also notice money came out of nowhere from her. We earn money from dance classes but that alone can only answer the studio's maintenance in one of the most prime spots in the country, house and daily needs not yet counted. Another point for me is her skill in ballet itself. I was lucky enough to learn ballet through scholarship but I wasn't able to pursue it because we don't have money but that doesn't make me any less not to distinguish talent when I see one, like the levels of a primabalerina.

I've seen her moves before, she indeed looks vaguely familiar... Oh yes I remember! Although I'm not entirely sure she looks and dances like the British primabalerina 15 years ago who was killed... Oh sorry I should not think about that, let the dead rest in peace and stay dead.

Anyway, I do believe she is someone affluent, but why did she go all the way here? I don't think she came from a test tube from some laboratory... Well I do think that growing belly of hers has something to do with it. She was probably kicked out or her parents asked her to hide before paparazzi finds her.

~~~~

I've noticed Irma staring at me for the past 10 mins while I'm practicing the routine she needs to teach to our students, it's really getting in to my nerves because she still does it even after I've stopped the dance and got some water.

"Irma?.. Irma, cut it out what do you want to ask?" I saw her get caughthanded from it. She stumbles a little but got some courage to ask. "Where you kicked out by your parents because you are pregnant?" She asked as if it's a normal thing to say to start a conversation. "I wasn't and what made you think that?" Although I'm a bit interested to know what's running in her head.

She shifted a little in her seat as I sat on the floor in front of her to rest a bit. "Well I think you’re from an affluent family, a woman like you, gorgeous, smart, I do think you're rich because I saw you have 5 different branded bags! Anyway as I was saying you're gorgeous, smart, gracious, rich, and pregnant is a formula of a daughter's magnate kicked out because of a scandal."

Irma is indeed the nosiest person I ever met, far worse than Benji. If chose to be a writer she will probably win a noble prize and sell millions. "To clear things in your mind, I am not a daughter of any magnate and I am most definitely not rich, I do save I must say, but thank you for thinking I'm gorgeous and smart." Smiling a little to her comments about me. I heard her groan but she laughed at my antics and laughter filled the studio for a few minutes. "But if you want to ask I can answer your questions as much as I can." I told her after.

Like an eager child to learn she started firing away questions about my "background"

"Where are your parents?"

"Dead"

"Do you have any relatives?"

"Too far to even contact"

"Sibling?"

"A step brother..." I had an inner struggle answering that for about a second thinking about Brandt.

"Who was the lucky man who knocked up the Ice queen? I know you know and don't care about the moniker but just humor me please"

"Immaculate conception..."

"Daphne seriously?!" I laughed at her flabbergasted expression.

"It's for me to know and for you to find out"

"You're never going to give me an answer to that are you?" She asked getting a bit serious, she is nosy but her sensitivity is what I like about her the most.

"Not yet... Not yet Irma" I said.

~~~

I asked Irma to accompany me to the mall the next day because I need to buy maternity clothes and baby items. My doctor's appointment is scheduled a week after to know the gender of my baby but I wouldn't have time to buy infant clothes by then due to rehearsals and dance recitals.

As we rounded to the infant section to start checking clothes and toys I noticed in my 2 o' clock about 50meters a man in shades and hoody checking us out. I remember him from the cafe we ate earlier and if he's been tailing us since then, I need to get Irma and I to safety as soon as possible.

"Ugh" acting out as I hold my bump, "I don't feel so well... I want to go home" Irma immediately went to my side to get all the bags I'm holding. "Let's just do this some other time hmm? I'll go with you to your apartment" Irma said.

We started walking and I chose paths that are crowded attempting to lose our trail from the man. I used my phone as a mirror to check if we lost him but to no avail he is still there at my 7 o'clock keeping his 50 meters distance. Confrontation is next on the plan but being heavily pregnant make things quiet complicated.

Unfortunately, Irma caused a commotion by bumping into a food cart and spilling food in the process, I am really trying to stay low key but my day decides otherwise, although thankfully Irma will be preoccupied to look for me in a few minutes so I proceeded to the inevitable confrontation to the man on hoody who is hiding behind the column reading a newspaper.

I checked all the knives I have and the gun hidden at the small of my back as I approached him, he still haven't noticed me and I am thankful I blend in with the crowd. I noticed a narrow corridor near the column he is standing and looked at it as opportunity to drag him there.

He still hasn't notice me when I am a column away from him. Deciding to go for the kill with the knife in my hand, I swiftly went to his back, twisted his arms in an odd angle at his back, dragged him to the corridor and pointed the knife to his neck.

"What do you want and who are you working for?" I hissed on his ear. The man yelps in pain and attempted to free himself from my grip but my vice grip stays firm on his back. "It's only you who can still disarm and possibly kill a man whilst being heavily pregnant, it’s wonderful to see you Ilsa". Surprised, I pushed him to the wall and remove his hoody and glasses revealing Brandt. "What the hell are you doing here? And are you out of your mind? You're doing undercover but your get up failing your attempt to stay hidden with all the shades and hoody in the infant section of all places!" Too perplexed to his attempts. “Well it is in my plan for you to notice me, I'm an analyst so I know what will trigger you and notice me. He said while fixing his clothes and hair. "Why don't we have this conversation later? I think your friend is starting to lose her head finding you". He continued.

Remembering Irma, I rushed to find and help her with Will in tow. "Daphne?! Where did you go?" I fished out my wallet to pay for the damages but Will went ahead and paid for it instead. "Consider it as one of my gifts to you 'Daphne'" he said as he got my hand to kiss my fingers teasing me with my chosen name. I pulled my hand and was about to answer Will but Irma went ahead of me and asked "Wait, I'm sorry mister who are you and how do you know Daphne?" She also went beside me and whispered "that handsome guy is delicious and I won't judge you if he is the one who knocked you up". I felt my blood drain from my face too embarassed with her, Will heard her whisper and laughed wholeheartedly and if it's possible to become twice as white as a sheet I think I just did.

“thank you for your complement, but I am Bill McClaren, Daphne's brother" Will said.

"Step brother" I corrected him as I gained my focus.

Irma went ahead to my apartment to allow Will and I for a sibling bonding which she said I greatly need to dampen my sorry mood.

"Your friend, Irma, she is a firecracker" Will said as we sat in a bus not really sure where we are going. I wasn't that surprised that he found me, Luther told me and I'm expecting it already, it's just a matter of when. However, that doesn't mean I am ready to tell him everything, I still can't or wouldn't allow myself to tell him.

Will noticed my somber mood, he wrapped his arm around me, pulled me to him and kissed my temple as if consoling me. He always does this when we got closer. Deep within my soul I crave for affection and warmth from family, my self-exile is not helping with it a bit. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his neck. I felt him stiffened a bit not used to the affection I am showing but relaxed a second after. He starts to rub my back and arms offering comfort and silence to console me.

I didn't notice taking a nap during the bus ride, maybe being pregnant makes you sleep in any place you want, Will woke me up and paid for our ride. I noticed we are already in Bratislava and thankfully I always bring my passport whenever I go. However, I can't help being suspicious with his actions, 5 months can change someone else especially someone I have betrayed.

"Why are we here? Are you going to turn me in? You do know I ended things with CIA quiet clean, or do they want me together with the apostles? Was it MI6?" He stopped walking and turned to look at me, his face full of hurt and betrayal for what I said. "You should've known better than that Ilsa" He said as we continue walking, "5 months can change a person Will, you should've known that especially in our field, we can't easily trust anyone... I changed William, I did too" I said holding my bump and not looking to his face.

I could see him tighten his fists taking a great amount of patience not to lash out on me. He suddenly got my hand and pulled me to a cafe, "get anything you want Ilsa they said the pastries in bratislava are really good" I was taken a back his sudden change of mood. I was too uncertain in the situation that he took it to himself and got one piece of every pastry in the shelf. "That's a lot Brandt! We wouldn't finish those, and what's all of this about?" I'm bit perplexed with the absurdity of what's happening. Will turned to me with his eyes almost begging me, "Ilsa, please just come with me, Allow me to do this." He said as he offered his hand to me.

My resolve is slowly melting and the temptation of free and something spontaneous is getting me. I took his hand and his face is like a kid given his treat. We started going around the city with his hands holding mine tugging me to whenever he wants.

My mood little by little changed to excitement. I never experienced anything as spontaneous as this, going for a sightseeing, not sure where to go or eat, no itinerary, just good company. We went to the UFO observation deck and took pictures of the skyline, then we went to art galleries, to Bratislava castle after and then to the flea markets. If this is how "siblings" bond I wished I had experienced this beforehand.

It was around late afternoon when we were sitting in the town plaza eating our food, I took my courage and started asking him questions it's bugging me since I saw him. "What's this about Will? Why did we go here?" He placed his half eaten sandwich inside the bag and looked at me. I could help but avert my eyes from his, his eyes speak volumes of hurt, sadness and tiredness. "When my sister died" he started, "we had a big fight and she left knowing that our relationship would never be the same again. I wished her to never comeback" he said as he looked in a distance. "She died not knowing I miss her and I love her despite our differences." He faced me and took my hands to his "I never want to repeat that Ilsa, please remember that I was never disappointed or felt betrayed with what you did, the team also feels the same."

My emotion got the best in me and I started tearing from what he said, it felt like tons of rocks were removed, I also felt my baby tap my stomach as if comforting me from the emotional turmoil I'm experiencing now. Will sees me rubbing my stomach and he looked at me silently asking if he could feel my baby. I nodded and took his hand to where my baby is tapping, his eyes filled with joy as he felt the baby.

It took him few minutes holding my bump before he said "He would be more than happy when he feels the baby too." My mood turned sour and removed his hand immediately, "Who said he'll be seeing me?" Surprised by my reaction Will held my shoulders to stop me from walking away. "Ilsa, stop this! He is the father he has the right to know." "Every minute of this conversation brings back the mask he knows I wear when faced in this situations.”I left for a reason Brandt and this makes everyone safe, I don't want my child to see the world I used to live, I left for my child Brandt, anyone of you coming near me makes it hard for me to protect my child."

He removed his hands on my shoulder when he was sure I'll not walk away and silence took over us for a few minutes "Ilsa, I think you know that it's a matter of when that he'll come to look for you, he has the right to know, I saw him lose the dream of having a family before and I wouldn't want that for him before he knows he has one. Let him have his chance Ilsa, he will protect you with all he has... You know him, he always does." That's what I am mostly afraid about, protecting me with all he has, nothing left for himself.

"I also came here to give you something" he gets a thick brown envelope in his sweater and hands it to me. "Open it when you're sure you're alone, you'll know what that is as soon as you see it". I kept it inside my sweater as I checked my surrounding if someone is watching. “What’s this Will?" I asked. "It's one of the files found when CIA raid the hideout of the Apostles in Buenos Aires, it's the only file they have connecting to you, the CIA haven't seen it yet and I think it's best for you to keep it for your safety."

Will stood up and offered his hand to assist me to stand up "I think I should bring you back your apartment, your friend might be running already like a headless chicken."

As we sat in the bus heading to Vienna I asked him about Benji, "How is Benji? Is he mad at me?"

"Mostly disappointed" He saw me furrow my brows, "you know Benji, he held on to superficial grudges but he deeply misses you, he once mentioned he misses getting drunk with you." I laughed a little remembering a drunk Benji.

"How is Ethan? William looked at me having an inner struggle of what to tell me. "Same old Ethan, he is now busy, he is doing solo missions, from what I know he is in Indonesia now." But that is not the answer I want "no William, I didn't ask him about his work," he looked me in the eye held my hand "wait for him" that's the only answer I got after. Bus ride from Bratislava back to Vienna is about 1 hour and a half, I was back to my front step at around dinner time.

"Where are you staying William?" This meetings with the team is full of surprises but too short for my liking.

"I need to go back to Langley, Sloane will debrief me for my new assignment" He regretfully said.

"Do you all answer to Sloane?" I know the IMF Hunt team has unofficially disbanded but I didn't know it was absorbed by CIA.

"No, I'm still with IMF, Sloane stepped down to be our secretary" Another one to add to my list of today's surprises, a woman as hard as steel and untrusting like Sloane was convinced to stepped down and become director of IMF.

It's time to say goodbye, William hugged me tight and told me to eat properly for my baby, I didn't want to end things like this but life must go on for everyone.

I went up to my apartment and was surprised to see sets of baby clothes, a crib, toys and supplies. I saw a card in my side table and immediately knew it was from William. I checked the window and saw him on the other side of the sidewalk waving his goodbye when he saw me.

"Well I should ask Irma to transfer these to the nursery tomorrow" I said as I got my phone to text Irma.

I was about to sleep when I remembered the envelope William gave to me. I got knife and opened the enveloped as I sat in my rocking chair. What I saw next made me almost faint...

It was a profile of the late Elizabeth Rose Eisenhart, murdered 15 years ago, included in the packet are bank accounts, documents of wealth, background, evidence, etc. and together with those is a picture of the young woman who looks exactly like Isla Faust.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilsa Faust, a survivor and a killing machine, but who is she before becoming an agent?

The most beautiful swan with a crown on the head, yet the loneliest, fled to the lake. The moonlight casting perfectly to the swan illuminating her wings, feathers, crown and grace.

Grace flow through my arms then hands seemingly flapping like the graceful movement of the swan's wings. The swan glides through the lake, my legs moving fluidly through the stage as if floating on the water. Hidden behind the beauty is the loneliness of the swan, my body portraying the emotion yet exuding beauty and elegance creating awe from the audience.

All eyes and mind on me, wishing they are on the stage, the epitome of beauty and grace. The craft, the life, the love, the dance, all seemingly perfect. Yet like the swan lake my story also has an evil wizard, however the difference was he was more successful on cursing my life.

He made me who I am today and transformed every inch of my life and identity. Beauty as weapon; grace to calculation; steps to killing blows; trophies to death counts. Every ounce of humanity lost to survival and revenge.

Ilsa Faust, a survivor and a killing machine. An agent whose primary purpose was to seek revenge and justice for the life of Elizabeth Eisenhart, a weapon and nothing more, nothing less.

However, course of life has a different plan. It decided to make Ilsa human, maybe more than Elizabeth. The naive and bratty attitude of Elizabeth refrained her from seeing the world, and feeling compassion and responsibility. Ilsa on the other hand, saw the goodness and humanity of the world even if it seems lost in greed of few.

"Come away with me" a phrase I would never consider special until the ordeal of becoming Ilsa Faust. In the world of intelligence it means more than life and profession of love.

We are never free how much we try to cover the blood stains from our past. Like the envelope from Brandt I left inside my drawer, the Pandora’s box of my life both Elizabeth and Ilsa's, the missing link of then and now. Something that regretfully should never been in the hands of anyone, not The apostles, CIA, IMF, Brandt or even Ethan.

The cold winter biting my toes is nothing compared to the feeling of it encased in ballet shoes for hours. The numbness of my legs from walking is not enough to relish the energy I feel when I dance on the stage. That envelope made me deliriously long for the old life. It made me frantically look for something like how Elizabeth searches for beauty, life and success. At the same time escape for fear, a first for Ilsa, the fear of losing my child due to the quick sand that I kept dragging myself away from but always getting to pulling me down.

Walking and continuously walking, I've lost count on time. My feet and ankles hurt but I don't want to come back, I need to get lost and hide, for my child's safety. I'm thankful that I can blend in with my surroundings but my paranoia makes me feel that I'm being followed. Something I can attribute to opening a Pandora's box.

I'm thirsty... too thirsty, for water, safety and life. My fingers are too cold, I forgot to wear my gloves but I don't want to come back, I'd be damned if I do. CIA, MI6 they probably want my head now. Feeling of being followed intensifies, I do know I'm on the verge of breakdown but I need to get away as soon as possible.

For my child, this is for my child.

I was just few steps from crossing the pedestrian when I stepped on a black ice slate, lost my footing and fell down. Blood rushed to my head from panic when I experienced a pulling pain in my belly. I heard a scream but I'm not sure of it anymore, I just see a lot of people around me and the pain in my belly intensifies. Too scared to look down but I feel something trickle down my legs.

A scream, now I'm a bit sure it came from me, everything seems blurry, pain starts to numb my body and vision starts to turn black.

However, with everything that's happening, I felt someone hugged me and lifted me up, talking to me in very soothing manner, murmuring sweet nothings, carrying me like a guardian angel saving me from doom.

Too scared of the truth, my gut telling me to deny but my heart deeply longing for affection and love. With the last ounce of energy I lifted my head and saw someone I never intend to see.

I saw Ethan Hunt, his face full of worry but still full of love.

I tried to reach for his face to check if all of this is a dream but as my fingers are within few millimeters away from him, everything turned black.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Ilsa and was it really Ethan that she saw?

_The remnants of sleep leaving me in the early hours of the morning. I could feel a rose gliding on my naked back tracing the path of my spine until the start of the blanket that barely covers my lower half. Memories of last night came flooding my mind and I can't help but blush and bite my lip how magical and intense it was._  
  
_"I know you're awake my love" he glides the rose up to my shoulders and continues his ministrations while placing hot and open mouthed kisses to every path the rose take. I turned to my back and smiled lovingly to the man beside me, his kisses continued until he placed a heated one to my lips leaving me breathless._  
  
_We moved as if last night’s excursion is not enough to memorize each other’s bodies. Hands and lips tracing every patch of skin visible, he settled between my legs but his lips left mine to kiss his way down to me. My want and need for him is too great for his teasing and I pulled him up silently telling him what I want. As he settled on top of me, he looked at me with his blue eyes framed by ringlets of blonde hair falling from his head, the intensity of his eyes made time stop between us. I couldn't help but love him and want him more every second of this dance._  
  
_He kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my nose and my mouth so chaste and lovingly. "Come away with me my love, my beautiful Rose."_  
  
\---  
  
The smell of sterilized sheets filled my nose and the surrounding lights makes it hard for me to open my eyes. I could faintly hear the beeping at my side and two people talking by the door, one voice very familiar and another one I am not aware of. As I try to look at the door side, I felt a hand squeeze mine and I immediately looked opposite mine and I saw Benji who’s very worried.   
  
"I never peg you as nostalgic Ilsa but it's something out of character and a good move by the way to hide from those who knows you." His eyes starts to water which was confusing to me. "Don't think I'll go soft on you, just because you're in a hospital, but that is so close Ilsa!" Myriad of emotions come from his eyes but relief from seeing a long lost friend overpowers all other emotions.   
  
I suddenly remembered the pain in my belly and the trickling I felt. I rushed to sit up and remove the blanket covering me, I don't care about the slight dizzy spell I felt but I need to know if my baby is safe. Benji assisted me as soon as he realized what I was doing, relief flooded me when I saw and touched my belly. "It was too close Ilsa", Benji said as I realize what he was pointing out earlier.   
  
Before I ask anything from him a doctor went inside the room followed by Ethan. My eyes zeroed to him, his visage is too calm but I can read and feel the emotional turmoil he is containing. He looked at me and all that emotion came to me in waves that I couldn't help but avert my eyes from him. I feel defiance and independence against him but deep within my heart I feel shame for what I did, regret for what I've almost done to my baby. Deep within the creases of my soul I want to surrender to him but I feel it’s too late upon looking at our situation.   
  
"Mrs. Thorne, your husband told me about the passing of your mother and I’m sorry for that.” Every minute I stay here gets more confusing for me but I just went on with the act upon seeing Benji silently pleading me to go along. “You’ve been diagnosed with Antenatal anxiety that lead to your panic attack earlier. Mr. Thorne mentioned to me that you were perfectly healthy throughout your pregnancy and he didn’t see any mental or emotional stress coming from you but I told him earlier that expecting mothers are like trigger bombs, news like the one you’ve received can trigger antenatal anxiety attacks.”

The room’s atmosphere is too thick for me. Benji looks at me worriedly, Ethan who is at the far end of the room sits on the available bench with his elbows resting on his knees and looking at the floor. The doctor looks at me with both pity and reservation which irks me the most. My defiant attitude got the best of me and I looked at him coldly with my left eyebrow raised. The doctor seems to have cold chills run down his spine and got flustered. Benji saw the whole ordeal tried to hide his laughter which came out as a snort.

“Mrs. Thorne…” the doctor tried to continue. “Anxiety attacks on this stage of pregnancy is very dangerous to your baby. Frankly if your husband haven’t seen you, you might have suffered from miscarriage. Tell me Mrs. Thorne, what was the last thing you remember before arriving here?”

I tried my best recollecting but the last thing I remember was opening the envelope, coldness and slipping. “I remembered opening a letter telling the news, I also remembered coldness and slipping”. Everyone around me had a grim expression upon hearing that, “Well I’m afraid you’ve been here for 3 days after you slipped, but the time between receiving the message and slipping is contestable…”

“You’ve been gone for 2 days.” Ethan suddenly said.

“What?! No! How come?” questions started to fill my head but I wouldn’t finish due to further confusion.

“That explains the early onset of hypothermia you experienced together with dehydration and deliriousness.” The doctor filled in.

“I thought my baby won’t survive, the pain was too much and I thought blood trickled down my legs.” I saw Ethan raised his head with a hard expression in his face. Benji placed his hand to my shoulder to squeeze.

“You’re amniotic sac ruptured due to the slip, the slip alone may have caused you miscarriage but thank the heavens your baby got a good grip to you. As of now, both you and your baby have a clean record but we will be keeping you overnight to check any complications. I’ll also advise you to be on bed rest for at least 2 weeks, I’ll give you medication to replenish the amniotic fluid and I need you to be accompanied most of the time until the end of your term.”

“What?! I am not invalid, I can perfectly take care of myself” Both Benji and Ethan were surprised with my outburst knowing that I hate being taken care of but tried hiding their laughter which came out as small sniggers that made me scowl at them.

“I’ll see to it and follow your orders Doc” Ethan said as he stood up and assuring the doctor on following up my medication. Ethan and the Doctor went out and I took this opportunity to get some things straight. “Where are we Benji and how did you find me?” He looked torn but he knows he needs to get into business before I get things out of him rather forcefully. “Brandt signaled us your location out of the blue. We knew he would be going to Slovakia for some business for the CIA but he just told us that you are in Vienna and we need to get to you ASAP.” William must’ve known he is dropping some big news to me and will most likely leave as soon as I can. “By the way Ilsa, we are in Salzburg, we saw your apartment in Vienna but it was trashed, we got the idea that you’ve might heard we’re near your location so we thought we were late and we tried using Luther’s tech to find you, we were lucky to see you… well as lucky as we can get, we saw you slipped before crossing. However, how you came here is a mystery for us but thankfully that’s all done.”

“How are you Benji?” He looked far away for a few seconds contemplating what to say to me. “I’m better Ilsa but not like before. I only consider few people as my friends you know, and one of those is you. I got mad at first but I was expecting it, you are like Ethan, you’re both lone wolves the difference between the two of you is he’s been in a team for a long time so he knows how to be a part of it.”

Silence took over us for a minute before he found a courage to ask me what I think is the most inappropriate yet valid question from him. “When did you and Ethan came to be? Is the baby Ethan’s? Brandt, Luther and I knew there is some feelings going on between the two of you but just too stupid to act However you two made us all fools and proceeded to make Baby Ethan… or Baby Ilsa” He said as soon as he saw my scowl towards him.

Before I get to answer him, Ethan arrived and Benji felt the need to leave us to talk. “Uhm… guys, I’m going to get some coffee and food, hospital food even in Europe tastes like tissue paper.” He said right before he closes the door leaving as fast as he can.

“He is too obvious I’m sorry.” Ethan sat on the chair beside me. Silence is palpable between us but I took it as an opportunity to slip my mask from any questions he is going to ask. “No need to do that Ilsa.” He said knowingly what I’m trying to do. “You have your reasons and let’s just settle with that for now”.

“Even as an agent you still put your heart on your sleeve.” I said. I couldn’t understand his big heart, it’s his greatest weakness but also his strength, something that made me want to be with him.

I saw him slowly trying to reach for my hand, my heart wants him to do so but there are so many things that needs to be addressed before letting our emotions get the best of us. I moved my hand away from his, I saw the hurt in his eyes but it made my resolve stronger to straighten things up.

“Yes Ethan, it’s your child, if you’re still going to ask”. He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “I heard Benji asked you that earlier, he does have some knack of asking things in a wrong time.” He said trying to lighten the mood.

“You found me Ethan and I do believe you got some time off from the agency if your agenda is to search for me. I want to know what you are thinking now, half of the reason I left is right in front of you and you know how complicated this is. In the eyes of the agency I am a liability, vulnerable from both our enemies.” I saw his face sour but he needs to understand the situation from my point of view. “This child is a liability and I can’t take any risk in this situation.”

“What do you want Ilsa?” he asked flatly.

“If I’m honest, I don’t want any of you to have come to me, I want to be invisible as much as I can. If you asked me that a few months back I would’ve told you I wish I didn’t get pregnant.” Truth hurts for both of us but it is better to come clean now for some information.

“I’ve talked to both Luther and William on separate occasions for the past few months. They both told me to give you a chance, to give us a chance. We have four remaining months to figure this out Ethan and I want you to be a part of this decision. It’s indeed unfair for you to be kept in the dark about our child but remember that this is not between us Ethan, I don’t know what will happen between us but I want this decision to be for our child.” Resolve settled on his face, I know I am pouring cold water on his hopes that we can pursue whatever relationship we have but we need not to think of ourselves alone but also the life of our unborn child who will be burdened by our past if things go wrong.

“Four months huh… “He said. I noticed him looking to my belly as I rub circles on it. Without thinking, I reached for his hand to place on my belly and before I realized what I have done the baby tapped on his hands strongly as if saying hi to Ethan. He placed his other hand to my belly and kneel to be on its level and continue feeling the baby’s movement. The baby tapped again on Ethan’s hands and I saw him give a genuine smile. He looked at me smiling, his hands still on my belly feeling our child continuously moving for him,

“Four months Ilsa, I think we can make it work.” Ethan said to me looking in awe and full of love.

\---

On the door, Benji watched his friends’ exchange as Ethan looked at Ilsa lovingly while holding her bump with Ilsa looking serene. He wished that this match made in hell will make it work and he prayed to all gods and deities to give them a chance of happy ending.  

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not a doctor so please feel free to correct any mistakes I've done.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benji tries his best to help his friends get past their stubborness to fix things between them.

Drive from Salzburg back to Vienna is scenic and calming. However it is the complete opposite inside the car, the tension between his friends is palpable. There was something magical that happened between his friends that broke as soon as he entered the room last night.

He decided to drive the car way back to give his friends opportunity to talk but all of that is wasted from their stupidity. Ilsa sat at the back but he could feel the ice queen persona multiplying 10x for every passing hour, Benji also thinks Ethan felt it so he decided to sit beside the driver side and leave Ilsa at the back alone.

"So Ilsa, you got a very nice place there in Vienna with a very spacious dance studio, what dance do you teach?" He decided to break the silence because it's getting overwhelming for him.

The question broke Ilsa's reverie and genuinely smiled with the prospect of asking something she likes and not about her past life. "I teach ballet from kids to adults but most of my students are kids ages 4-12. I also have a partner instructor who I think I need to contact as soon as we get back."

"Wow! The great Ilsa Faust, also known as the Ice Queen, teaches kindergarteners. How do you refrain yourself from eating them for breakfast?" He tried to lighten the mood but as he looked at the rear view mirror, he can't help but gulp when he sees the Ice cold look and the raised left eyebrow of Ilsa.

"Well you should've know everyone who knows you calls you Ice queen, that should not come as suprise from you." He tried to defend himself but he felt he just dugged a hole as big as Austria for himself.

"So are you telling me that I don't have a capacity to teach children especially I'm going to have one now?". I thought months of pregnancy will soften Ilsa but I was totally wrong, it made her scarier than ever.

"I didn't..." I tried defending myself but failing miserably. Ethan began to laugh from mine and Ilsa's bantering, "Ilsa, stop scaring Benji, I'm more worried of being killed in a car crash because he couldn't function well from being scared of you." He said to Ilsa who started to back off a bit although I could still feel her shooting daggers at me. "just focus on the road Benji and keep quiet, you are making things worse for you."

"Well thanks Ethan for both saving my ass and insulting my driving capabilities as a field agent of IMF." I said sarcastically. There was a minute of silence inside the car when Ilsa suddenly started sniggering at the back, it broke the tension inside the car and everyone proceeded to a full hearty laugh. "It's good to see you Benji" Ilsa said in between laughs.

The remaining hour driving back to Vienna was quiet but the thick atmosphere is gone. Ilsa took a nap few minutes after our conversation, Ethan looks calm but too deep in his thoughts. "Ethan... Ethan" I said breaking him from his own thoughts. "I saw you two yesterday and as your friend I believe this is the best you are going to have, even better than what you had with Julia. I just hope you won't be too stubborn to realize it."

"Thank you Benji... I do know what this is for both of us but I also know when I'm not wanted. Ilsa is an enigma. For the past few months we get to work with her we saw how independent she is, she does not follow protocols or plans, a lonewolf, as she says. She is too free-spirited and I think a relationship can make her feel compromised or clipped. I cannot go through a relationship with her like how I would have done it with Julia."

This is the first time I get to see Ethan lose his confidence on his issue with Ilsa. As I said earlier, Ilsa didn't get her moniker out of nowhere, she always does have a cold unreadable look, It is the reason why Luther, William and I had a hard time believing her motives even if Ethan gives her his full support. Seeing Ethan being unsure with his future with Ilsa makes it difficult for them especially with the baby along the way.

Ilsa woke up as soon as we arrived in her apartment. Ethan tried to assist her getting out of the car but Ilsa being very stubborn went on the other side of the car and straight ahead to her apartment. She moved as if Ethan is a ghost that needs to be ignored.

"I'm going to cook spinach cream pasta and pan-sirred chicken, would that be fine with you Benji?" Ilsa clearly ignoring Ethan who is also seated beside me with a hurt expression. I wonder how they'll work out whatever deal they had yesterday if this will be a daily occurence for them.

Through out lunch time, Ilsa is only attentive to me, she does from time to time try to give Ethan food or respond to his comments but generally she pretty much ignores him. However, Ethan is a man with purpose and he won't let Ilsa ignore him even though she will not go down without a fight.

"Ilsa, you're scheduled to drink your medicine right now and let me clean the kitchen just rest in the living room or in your room if you want, the doctor says it will help you replenish the fluids you last for the past few days. Also, you were pretty much knocked out in the car earlier. If I was Ethan's girlfriend I will definitely have my knees turn to mush and be head over heels on him but without looking much to Ilsa I know she is shooting daggers to Ethan every single second after he said that.

"I am capable of taking care of myself thank you." Ilsa quipped without further ado but Ethan being as stubborn as Ilsa proceeded to take the dishes to the sink usher Benji out of the kitchen and get Ilsa's medicine himself. I pray to God that their child will not inherit their stubborness, two of them is too much for this world.

"Did you understand what I have told you?" Ilsa took the medicine in Ethan's hands and stomped her way to her room, Ethan followed her to the room's door and they proceeded to a solid minute of shouting.

"Ilsa! Why do you have to be so hard? I'm only thinking what is best for you and our child!"

"I am the mother and I know what I need to do! I've been doing this for months and I was perfectly well doing it!" Ilsa shouted back while stomping around her bed.

"So seeing you in Salzburg delirious is what you mean by perfectly doing well?" Uh oh, as soon as I heard Ethan said that the atmosphere from Ilsa's room turned to south pole and even from afar I can see Ethan regret what he said.

"You know perfectly well no one can question my ability, even the father of my child! this will never happen if that god damn envelop didn't..." Ilsa stopped shouting midway in her sentence getting us all confused with the correlation of a certain envelope to what happened to her. She seemed to realize something and proceeded to shout towards Ethan instead.

"Get out! Get out!" She slammed the door infront of Ethan making us dumbfounded. This was the first time we saw Ilsa lost her cool, it may be attributed to hormones but something is ticking Ilsa to do so and if my analysis is right she is hiding something from us that is also connected to her delirious state few days ago.

Ethan went back to the kitchen with a blank emotion, his mind is running several miles from Ilsa's almost revelation and treatment of Ethan. It's times lime this that I don't want to have a family of my own, seeing Ethan's lifestyle is a good example for me.

Ethan silently cleaned the dishes and the kitchen as I made myself home in the living room watching some news. I also noticed Ethan began cleaning the whole house in the process as if it's his way of flushing any ill feelings against Ilsa. After a couple of hours he told me he'll buy some groceries and might be back before dinner time.

A few minutes after Ethan went out, I tried my luck to check on Ilsa and talk some sense on her as much as I can. Her room is far from the ones she had in london which looks like a flat styled for a magazine. This room is cozy and warm a complete opposite to the Ilsa I know. She is facing the wall and she seems asleep but her breathing tells me she widely awake.

"Ilsa, are you fine?" I'm slowly approaching her bed, too scared she might use her killer thighs even if she is heavily pregnant. "Don't be too scaredycat Benji, I won't bite you." She said without moving. I sat at the foot of her bed and silence enveloped us for a couple of minutes. "Would you mind joining me for a walk outside? Ethan will be back before dinner so I think we have a lot of time to waste." I pray to God that Ilsa agrees.

"I would like that" Ilsa said as she tried to sit up from her position.

We walked aimlessly around the Opera's block. Everything is fascinating and completely different from the tension filled action during the chase with Solomon Lane few years back. It's also my first time I get to see Ilsa, I do now believe that pregnancy makes women glow. It is not a secret that Ilsa is one of the most, if not, the most beautiful agent IMF ever had, but seeing Ilsa free from intelligence world gives her youthfulness and radiance.

"Why are you looking at me?" Ilsa asked, apparently I have been staring at her quiet sometime. " I just thought that if your child is a girl and she looks like you, Ethan will have a hard time chasing away boys." After a few seconds, I find it timely to discuss her issue wih Ethan. "You're very unfair to Ethan by the way."

"He is overstepping his boundaries, I agreed I'll allow him to be there for the remaining months of my pregnancy but I never agreed to mothering me or dictating what I need to do." Ilsa said.

"Ethan loves you more than anyone, more than his work, his team, Julia. He loves you to the point that he left IMF in bad terms with Sloane. Ericka didn't want for Ethan to take at least a leave of absence because of the issues with the remaining apostles but he took his chances and disobeyed her orders." I want Ilsa to realize that Ethan is doing a leap of faith for the first time and too many are at stakes too.

"Is he in hiding now?" I saw Ilsa rub her belly, an indication of her worry to Ethan. "No, he has security of tenure and few years back he was given the priviledge to unplanned indefinite leave of absence but knowing Ethan he never uses that even to look for Julia."

"Why are you telling me this?" Ilsa asked as she sat in one of the benches at the park.

"He cares you more than he can admit." I remember the words Luther told Ilsa few months back before kashmir.

"I'm scared Benji. I am scared that I can't give what Ethan expects in a relationship.  
I am not as selfless and as kind as Julia. I am used to do everything by myself and It will take time for me to adjust for him and that makes me realize that the 4 remaining months might not be enough. What scares me the most is after all of this, he'll realize I am not worth it, I just so happen to be the mother of his child so he needs to tolerate me. Have you seen me treat me earlier? It's been eating me since, but I don't have a clue how to talk to Ethan without turning it to a screaming match!" I could feel frustration build up on her.

"Never interpret his love as pity, never interpret it as compromising you, clipping you, containing you inside a box. He is the only one who understands you and trusts you wholeheartedly. He will chase the moon for you and your child, even a terrorist group or a plutonium bomb will not stop him from loving you." I could clearly see the tears in Ilsa's eyes form upon realizing the circumstances between her and Ethan.

"Give him a chance Ilsa...give yourselves a chance." I finally said to her.

\-----

It was night time when we went back. As soon as we entered my apartment Benji and I could smell something delicious from the kitchen. We went up and we saw Ethan cooking some soup and working on some steak. "Hey guys you're back, you must be hungry, I prepared some steamed vegetables, steak and soup. Help yourselves!" It is now that I fully looked at Ethan that I can see how stressful it was to leave langley just to be here and my ungrateful ass fails to see it because of stubborness. I notice him get some prepared separate plate of what seems like a salmon steak.

"As per doctor's orders you can't eat red meat due to uric acid and cholesterol so I cooked salmon for you." If things between us is clear, I would comment how cute and unsure he is right now but remembering my conversation with Benji, I need to do something.

"Thank you Ethan, highly appreciate it" however the moment was lost when Benji got food stuck in his throat, he's totally ruining our moment.

Dinner was quiet and after eating I went down to the studio to prepare tomorrow's class and to compose myself. I sat in the middle of the studio facing the wall of mirrors, I took this moment to internalize my conversation with Benji. Will I be able to do this again, love.... again? Commit to someone... Again? Out of all this internal chaos I only know one thing, I'll never find resolution if I don't try. Indeed this is a recipe for doom but I need to do this for my child too.

After a few hours, I went up the stairs and vaguely noticed the cleanliness and quietness of the area. I prepared myself for bed before I do my last check around the house. I checked the guest room expecting the boys to be there preparing to sleep but I only found Benji soundly asleep. I went to the living area and I saw Ethan trying his best to sleep in the cold and small sofa that will definitely make his back ache tomorrow. We don't like that do we. Taking my leap of faith I moved closer to him to wake him up. He was startled at first and confusion evident on his face.

"What kind of person am I letting the father of my child sleep on a tiny sofa. You'll have back aches tomorrow and we wouldn't like that do we Ethan?" I said as I pull him towards the bedroom. When we reach my bedroom I went to my cabinet to get extra blanket and pillows, I looked back at him in the process of removing his shirt. How can I forget that he sleeps without a shirt on. I couldn't help but trace all the lines of muscle visible and when I reached his face I realized he caught me eyeing him.

"I'm happy I still have that effect to you." He said quiet smugly.

"Shut up" I said as I feel my cheeks turn into the shade of a tomato.

As I laid down on my side of the bed, I don't know how this will work out, obviously this is not the first time we shared a bed but everything is unclear between us even with a baby on the way. Suddenly I felt his arm circling me. He stopped a bit when he felt me stiffen from the sudden movement but I tried to relax to his touches, I got knocked up by him for heavens sake in the first place, why can't I share touches with him.

When I relaxed he began to pull me to his chest and he whispered against my hair "please don't make this a dream, please don't make this a dream." He chanted continuously like a prayer to every deities present. I am engulfed with his warmth and began to crave it like I never knew it. Sleep slowly overtook me and in between my consciousness and sleep, I reach over and got his arm to rest to my belly and rub circles.

His scent, warmth and voice is too intoxicating for me, and in the last remnants of consciousness I uttered a form of prayer to the heavens, "please don't wake me if this is a dream."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some realization in the early morning can turn to "heated" conversations.

For the first time, I woke up with no drumming in my belly. Although I do notice that it's warm, not that I don't like it, it's new and comfortable compared to my usual cold winter mornings. My foggy brain begins to slightly notice my surroundings, smell of sandalwood, blanket around me, warm chiseled chest below me.

Wait a minute, warm chest?!

Further noticing everything, other than the blanket, arms are also encircled around me. Limbs are entangled to another and my head pillowed on his chest. Remembering yesterday's events I begin to relax a bit. I am confused to my future with Ethan, if there is any. We never get to have a "normal" romantic relationship. It's always about the mission and the team. We never really had a chance to date, there is always an underlying meaning to every look he gives me, our touches tend to linger, and saving him is my top priority when things go wayward during missions.

I tried to move away from him slowly to sleep on my side of bed but he has a vice grip on me that even my limbs can't get away from his. I notice his breathing is steady and deep noting that he is awake quite some time.

"Ethan...Ethan I need to move" I tried as I raised my head to look at him. He placed his right hand on my head to lean it back to his chest and then he tightened his hold on me and brought me with him as he turn to his right side. "Ethan! Stop acting, I know you're awake. Just let me move." I hissed on his chest.

"It's too early to wake up Ilsa, you and the baby needs sleep, I need it too." He mumbled with his eyes still close. I tried to move again but to no avail his hold stronger than mine. I proceeded to look at him closely through the dawn, getting mesmerize every second of it. He is honestly beatiful and he aged like a fine wine.

"Do I have something on my face?" He broke my reverie, he opened one of his eye to look at me and then proceeded to smile teasingly. "I thought I'd never get to see the day that I made the great Ilsa Faust trapped in my arms and completely dumbfounded."

"Shut up." I said while glaring at him. I continue to study him through the dark, some of his hair roots on his forehead is turning grey. He has a scar on his left temple down to his cheekbones. salt and pepper colored subtle growing on his cheeks and jaw. Nose as pointed as before. Eyelashes naturally long and slightly curled. Lips slightly pink and moist. I honestly never took a chance to study his face this close, the times I'm only attentive to his physicality was when I need to administer first aid to him. I do believe he had memorize every single part of me better than I could but how come I never did.

From his lips my eyes travelled up to his eyes where I found him looking straight to me watching me watch him. "What are you doing? Is something bothering you?"slight worry crosses his face. "You are the father of my child..." I still trace his face with my eyes and I could see wrinkles forming on his forehead telling me he is getting confused. "I know, we have established that." He said as I could see bewilderness in his eyes especially when I raised my free right hand to trace his temple to jaw.

"How many freckles do I have in my face?" He had his eyes wide open and eyebrows shot up he looked at me totally confused this time. "Where did that come from?"

"Just answer me Ethan, I know you know." He looked at me to try diverting my question but he suddenly looked guilty and sheepishly answered. "You have about 173 freckles on your face with most of them concentrated to your cheeks and nose."

Silence passed between us and I could feel my mask breaking every second of it. I feel guilt, unfairety, greed and most especially selfishness from my actions. He saw the turmoil of emotions through my eyes. Suddenly laughter filled the room, bitter, fake laughter filled the room. I continued laughing as I lie on my back with my arms covering my eyes. I felt Ethan raise himself up and rest through his elbow. I could feel his eyes burning on me, not because I'm mocking him but because he could read me like an open book, something that makes my laughter more bitter.

I looked at him after, silence again enveloping us. "You are the father of my child Ethan but I never really know you." He furrowed his brows so I continued.

"Lane's nose is slightly leaning to the right, stories say he broke it on his earlier mission's with MI6. I noticed this when he was debriefing me on my first mission with the syndicate. Atlee, his left eye is smaller by a millimeter, I noticed it when I saw his triple eyelid during my awarding on the graduation on training. Janik, the scar on his head stretches down to his nape, I felt it during our earlier missions when we need to pretend as couple. Benji has a small patch of baldness on his left eyebrow, it's so small you can't see it in the first glance but I notice it when we were seating on the cafe before the capture of Lane."

Realization on where I am leading to hit Ethan. He put his hand on my cheek to bring my gaze to him and he placed his thumb on my lips to stop me from talking. "I don't care Ilsa, that is not important." But guilt is over riding me, I remove his hand away from me and I sat up to look at him with a hard expression. "The scar on your temple down to your cheek is something I just know few minutes back but I do know you have counted all the freckles scattered all over my body, you also know the irrepairable crack on my left rib that you always check when I'm injured. Those are only few from the other thigs you know! Don't you see Ethan? This is room for disaster, and I took things for granted!..."

Ethan immediately sat up and placed his right hand on my cheek, "but you knew I will follow you when I got the drive hidden in the lipstick, you saved me in the torus, went with the plan in London on trapping Lane in the glass box. You always compromise your missions to save me even if it would cost your life.mI don't care if you don't know the scars around my body because I know you know me better than I do. As the team says, we are gender opposite versions of each other.

"Is that enough, to save us?"

"It's enough for me"

He is suddenly so close to me, his hands caressing my cheek tenderly, his eyes so intense and the slits of morning light as his background intensifies it more. I didn't know who moved first but our gap was closed and we kissed in abandon. Devouring each other as if there is no tomorrow, he lips left mine and he proceeded to kiss my cheeks, jaw, neck down to dip of my collarbones.

My hands lost on his soft hair and scratching his nape as he continued his ministrations. His right hand rested on my hips while his left traveled up to my ribs almost near to my breasts.

"Oh god" I heard my self said wantonly as he sucked on the spot between my neck and ear. His left hand palmed my breasts and caressed my nipples which pebbles under his thumb.

"Ethan..." His kisses went down to my chest with his right hand on the process of removing my night gown strap from my shoulders for him to kiss. My hands went to his back and I swear I am leaving nail marks on his shoulder and lower back as he continues.

I moved closer to him and ended up with one of our knees in between our legs almost touching the apex of our thighs. I accidentally grazed his crotch area and felt how hard he was. I got shocked and suddenly woke up from my drunken stupor.

"You still want me even if I am a size of a whale?" becoming more self-conscious as I realize how I look, looking so arouse yet belly as big as a watermelon.

Ethan sighed getting frustrated every second but took control of it. "You don't look like a whale, you're pregnant... with my child... beautiful" he said punctuating every point with a kiss on my lips.

My mood went back after his confession and I kissed him hard. He groaned when I grind myself to his thighs and felt the wetness through my panty. He continued to palm my breast and kiss the other, I felt a bit naughty when I slipped my hand inside his pants and took his hard on in my hands.

"Fuck..Ilsa" He groaned as I moved my hand up and down slowly but with a firm grip. He looked at me with hooded eyes and then proceeded to put his free hand inside my underwear and slide his middle finger to my button of nerves. I suddenly bucked and squeaked when he did resulting with him laughing at the sound I made. Getting his hand with enough lubrication, he slipped one finger in me and I groaned biting his shoulder to muffle the sounds I make.

"Uhh! Yes..Ethan, more!" I moaned as he insert another finger.

"Ilsa....So wet." He hissed as I tighten my grip on the base of his cock.

"I want you Ethan" Half moaning, half hissing on his ear. He stopped moving inside me and with his free hand held my nape to take a look at me. "Are you sure? I'll stop if this is just brought by some spike in emotion from earlier, I don't want to take advantage of you."

"It's the only thing I am sure in this moment" I said after kissed him and bit his lower lip. Ethan suddenly kissed me hard and then proceeded to remove my night gown and throw it across the room leaving me in my underwear. I untied his jogging pants and pulled it down to his knees, without his lips leaving mine he removed is pants and underwear, and thrown it somewhere in the room.

I suddenly stopped unsure of what to do and how to say it to Ethan. " what's the matter Ilsa?" He noticed my apprehensions immediately. "How are we going to do this with this?" Point at my belly awkwardly.

Ethan laughed heartedly when he saw how awkward I looked. "Well I have some few ideas" Ethan said as he let me lie down to my side with my back on his chest.

"How do you even.... Okay no.. I don't need to know... That is too much" realizing where he could possibly have seen (?!) it.

He laughed a bit but proceeded to kissing my nape heatedly, his hands slowly removing my underwear. He then brought my right leg to rest on his hips as he align himself to my opening, he slowly teases me by bucking the head of his cock on my entrance.

"Ethan..... Uhh... Go work" I moaned while trying my best to tell him to get on with it. He was about to enter me and both of us couldn't wait for what's coming next.

Suddenly we heard a commotion in the kitchen with two people screaming and my pans falling down the floor. Hearing foot steps coming to us, Ethan threw most of the blanket to cover me and leaving himself enough to cover his hips and legs. We immediately reached for our guns below the bed foam but before we could raise it, my door opened with Irma making a beeline with a pan in hand and Benji following her sporting what I see is a big reddish bump on his forehead.

"Ilsa!".. "Daphne!" They both said simultaneously. Awkward silence enveloped us as both Irma and Benji noticed Ethan's state of undress-ness and clothes thrown everywhere on the floor. Benji immediately turned red realizing what Ethan and I are up to and turned his back away from us. Irma looked at me turning white as sheet but managed to spurt out what everyone is thinking.

"What the Hell?!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed there are few to none Ilsa/Ethan fics posted this week... Let's make this fandom alive! 
> 
> Anyway I do believe that both Ethan and Ilsa is having a hard time establishing a "proper" relationship because they only get to know each other through missions. They never get to see side of other outside work. I also believed they never got to have a proper date or courting stage before baby phase, so the ground they are standing is quiet shaky and they both have tendencies to either go slow or fast.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm snowy morning in Vienna betrays the atmosphere inside Ilsa's living room.

The calm snowy morning in Vienna betrays the atmosphere inside Ilsa's living room. Two women sat on the opposite armchair, one looks embarassed and apologetic that wishes to be swallowed whole by hell rather than face the wrath of the Ice Queen. Another, totally embodies the persona of the Ice queen and if looks can killed, she would have called snow storms by now to freeze hell and the two people in infront of her.

The men who were involved in the morning fiasco took their sides. One stood near Irma, nurses his bump with cold compression thanking its not concussion but wishes to go back to langley and face Sloane's wrath instead. Another leans on a nearby wall behind Ilsa, deliberately creating a space between them to save him from impending doom.

"Please tell me what happened this morning?" Ilsa looked at Irma and Benji opposite her and waited for both of them who were reluctant to answer. However, her patience is running out and her baby's continues kicking is not helping it. "Do I need to repeat myself?" Both Benji and Irma took a gulp upon seeing Ilsa raise her eyebrows and look more deadly every second of it. Benji looked to Ethan to try to save himself but the latter just shrugged his shoulder implying he's way out of his league on this.

"I woke up really early this morning..." Benji started stuttering almost every word in the sentence. "Probably due to jet lag and I decided to do some jogging and buy breakfast in the nearby cafe I saw yesterday. However, when I opened the door, this hell of a woman started screaming! To avoid scandal infront of your house I dragged her inside to explain but she ran in the kitchen where I followed her and she hit me with several pans before she ran to your room where we saw...." Benji explained while shooting eye daggers to Irma and immediately turning red when recalling what he saw in the bedroom.

If it's even possible to cast spells to Benji and erase every memory he has, Ilsa would have done it right now. She doesn't want any of the two remember it especially Irma who is looking at her a bit questioningly and possibly afraid at the same time. Ilsa waited for Irma's answer who looks like a deer caught on headlights.

"Daphne! I swear to god I don't want to cause a scandal as he said it!" Pointing a finger to Benji. "But who are in their right mind not to scream and charge at the person who is one definitely not living here, and two assaulted me!" Benji and Irma went into a heated and shouting competition in front of Ilsa. Ethan notices Ilsa second by second starting to lose her composure, he also notices rubbing her tummy on certain spots and wincing at the same time. He decided to take a stand and stop the two the fighting at the front. However, before he can do anything, everyone turned shocked at the intensity of Ilsa's voice.

"ENOUGH!!!!" Ilsa's voice reverberated in the whole apartment that they thought it echoed outside. Everyone turned silent and Irma and Benji both turned guilty as soon as they see Ilsa holding her tummy and wincing after she shouted, Ethan had also enough so he decided to take the situation on his hand.

"Ok we have enough, I think there is a misunderstanding between us and Ms Irma, we are friends of Daphne and sorry for not telling you earlier about our stay here." Benji saw the commanding look of Ethan and realizes that he is really totally messing up his morning. "Simon" Ethan uses Benji's alias because he thinks that Irma doesn't know Ilsa's background. "Please apologize to Ms Irma and after that clean the kitchen. I think as scheduled, Ms Irma will be setting up the dance studio so I think breakfast is in order for Daphne and we can go to our respective businesses now." Ilsa would have kissed Ethan right there but her hunger and the situation is not appropriate.

Benji resigned to his faith but Irma took a look to both him and Ethan. "Excuse me, who are to instruct me? I only follow instructions from Daphne" Ilsa would have killed Irma right there, Ethan looked shocked at the defiant stance of Irma but had a longer patience than Ilsa. He tried politely replying to Irma but Ilsa get to speak first. "Irma, I would like to introduce to you Rob Thorne and Simon Walters, they are both my friends from America. Simon is my business partner and bestfriend and Rob here..." Ilsa stopped a bit thinking that the next thing she would say would definitely be a shock to Irma. "As I was saying Rob is the father of my baby."

Ethan felt his heart flutter when he heard Ilsa's declaration. Irma on the other hand had her eyebrows turned up. "Wait hold up! You mean he is the guy who successfully melted the cold heart of the Ice Queen?! Way to go man!" Irma went near Ethan to give him a high five but got a pillow from the sofa, turned sharply at Ilsa and began to throw a pillow at her. "While you! Where were you 4 days ago? I have been waiting for your text! Your apartment was locked, I frantically called the parents for class cancellations and all of a sudden you turn up and I saw you two doing dirty!"

Ilsa and Ethan turned beet red but Ilsa got it under controlled first. "What I do is none of your business Irma."

"But it definitely affects your work, remember I get to cancel classes for 3 straight days! I also strongly believe that he is one of the reasons why you left wherever you are originally from, and now he got you on your knees, and what? play your heart possibly?" Irma's nosy attitude escalate things too quickly. Ilsa haven't told her the whole story before Vienna but her allegations where definitely not appropriate as of the moment.

"Irma I know you are very concerned but allow me to handle this myself." Ilsa's patience is thinning out but she tried her best calming Irma as she notice Ethan's hurt expression. She is still threading a very thin line with him despite this morning's activity.

"I don't trust him!' I don't trust them, I saw you silently suffer from being a single parent everyday and then one day he turns up and he'll promise you sweet nothings and then what? He'll leave you when responsibility brings something up? Do you even both planned the future?" Irma's words strucked a lightning to both Ethan and Ilsa. Have things been to fast? Well definitely, but does Ilsa trust Ethan not to leave her willingly, Definitely, that's fine for now.

However, Ilsa saw the bitter look on Ethan's face and the sadness Benji shows. They are both victims of her actions and not vice versa, she chose to close them off and it's unfair to treat them like that. Ilsa looked straight and hard to Irma who's defiant look cracked upon seeing Ilsa. Irma realized that the things she said are not appropriate and definitely does not help her earlier predicament.

"Irma, You don't have the right to judge and dictate me what to do, if anyone is being unfair it is me! They didn't know why I left in the first place. If anyone has the right to get mad it's them! I have always been a selfish bitch to them. You don't know anything so stop speculating and get back to the task at hand!"

Benji felt like he is intruding in the conversation despite being affected by everything. On the other hand he is interested in the turn of events. Although he saw Ethan at the corner curling and uncurling his fists, definitely not wanting the turn of conversation.

Ilsa stood up immediately and tried to walk but her steps turned wobbly. Irma was shocked at her friend's outburst but shame overtook her and started to get down to the dance studio. Ethan assisted Ilsa but he's too quiet for Ilsa's liking and Benji proceeded to go to the bakery near the apartment to buy pastries for breakfast.

The whole morning went without hitch from the group. Benji decided to help on the front desk while Ilsa and Irma take turns to teach the class. Ethan stayed at the corner of the room trying to assist Ilsa every water break and sometimes assist kids if needed to. Irma and Ilsa had a silent agreement not to affect their class routine with what happened earlier but knows that both stand in a rocky position.

Ethan went out to the reception area to check on Benji and also to take a rest, but gossiping parents prevented him to do so.

"Who are the two guys over there?" One parent asked.  
"I think they are Ms Mclaren's friends." A mother answered. One of the parents butted in and started to gossip.  
"The american, I think is the father of Ms Mclaren's kid. They are a bit touchy in front of the kids." The parent said despite not really seen that Ethan sat at the corner most of the time.  
"I also noticed they don't seem to have a wedding ring" the first parent insinuated.  
"Americans, disregarding the sanctity of marriage as usual." The third parent said.

Ethan and Benji understood the conversation even if it was in German. Ethan tried hjs best to ignore that he didn't notice Ilsa arrive to check on him.

"Ethan, are you alright?" Ilsa asked quietly oblivious to the scandalizing looks of the parents. "No I'm fine, I'm just checking on Benji when you guys were stretching inside. I should be the one asking you, your pregnant but you still teach." Ethan said unconsciously holding Ilsa's bump.

Before Ilsa can retort, she heard one of the parents say something to them secretly.

"Harlot".

Benji, Ethan and Ilsa both heard what the woman said. Ethan tried to hold Ilsa back but for her this is already the cherry on the top.

"Excuse me!" Ilsa raised her voice in german. "Can you repeat what you said madam?" The parent slightly turned red but got more couraged and continued. "You should be a model to the kids! We were not asking you when your bump gotten big and we saw that you are not married but I think it's too much for the children to see your adulterous activities!" Ilsa calmly went near the parent and stood infront of her, the mother felt smaller every step Ilsa took, and Ilsa made sure that everyone sees the power she has over them.

Ilsa looked at the woman and smiled kindly. "I know for a fact that we are not doing adulterous as you speak, my co-teacher inside can tell you that and if you are uncomfortable for this harlot to teach your kid, you are all free to go. Just so you know that next week is the recital and most of the kids there needs recommendation letter from me for the coming semester. I have connections too to tell my other co-teachers around Vienna how wonderful of a parent you are not to accept your kid to their schools."

"Are you threatening me?" the mother was perplexed with Ilsa's comments definitely not guilty of her charges.

"You have been attacking me ever since my bump showed, I know you've been spreading rumors to other studios and I can file a case of slander to you. I have CCTVs to prove it." Ilsa seemed to cheery but Ethan and Benji is sure of the impending doom for the parent.

Kids and Irma started going out of the studio. Ilsa, too tired of the morning fiasco, her fight with Irma and the parents allegations immediately went up to her apartment to take a very much needed rest. She also doesn't want to see Ethan for reasons unknown even to her.

Ethan followed her although Ilsa is clearly ignoring him, when she entered the room she immediately slammed the door infront of Ethan and locking it. Ethan looking resigned, leaned on the door and sat on the floor thinking that the development he had with Ilsa is back to square one.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let Ethan and Ilsa fics flow! Let's make the ship alive. 
> 
> This chapter explores more on the 3rd person view of Ethan and Ilsa's circumstances and it is where reality clicks in after the bliss Ethan and Ilsa surprising intimacy last chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprises come when you least expect it

It's near lunch time and it's also been an hour since Ilsa locked herself in the bedroom. Irma went ahead after she's done with her lesson plan and Benji wanting to explore Vienna more decided to tour himself.

Ethan sat in the middle of the dance studio. The warmth of the wood enveloping his confused heart, he's been contemplating about the past few days. He loves Ilsa but he feels like everything is happening in a wrong time. He isn't sure if everything he believes would work out the way he imagines. He doesn't blame Ilsa, No... Never, he just blames himself for being so selfless on dedicating himself on the missions that Ilsa became unsure if he has time and space for her in his life.

Ilsa, she is very independent and that is one of the many things that makes him head over heels on her, but he became so complacent that she would wait for him in her life. She is one of the best MI6 agents and it's natural for her to adapt easily. For the past few days Ethan realizes that he might have been to late to budge in Ilsa's life. He still could see the longing she has for him but reality speaks for them and it just shows how out of place he is.

Ethan suddenly heard footsteps going down the stairs that he immediately sat up as if checking for some anomalies. He saw Ilsa freshly showered, barefooted, and holding her dress on her front and back, her cheeks are flushed and a shy smile on her lips. He can't help fall in love with her more and that glow of pregnancy makes him want to kiss her in abandon.

" I can't lean to much on my back due to the weight of my belly, can you help me zip up my dress?" Ilsa broke Ethan's reverie, he stood up and went ahead of zipping Ilsa's dress. He can't help but glide his knuckles along her skin as he zips up her dress. Ilsa sighed, relishing the way he touches her. Ethan rests his hands on her shoulders after and he steps closer to her, with her back leaned on his chest. He could smell jasmine and faint vanilla on Ilsa's hair and her skin is as pure as the clouds on sky under his touch.

Silence envelopes the studio and their reflection multiplied on the mirrors around them. "Come with me?" Confusion showed on Ethan's eyebrow as Ilsa faced him slowly. She looks a bit apologetic for her request but continued. "I'm scheduled today for an appointment with my OB, you can come with me if you want, then we can have lunch after....".

Ethan looked bewildered which made Ilsa immediately regret her request. The hurt look on her made Ethan wake up from his bewilderment and proceeded to hug her tight, he couldn't contain his happiness because this is what he is always hoping for to be in every step of Ilsa's pregnancy and life.

"Thank you Ilsa, thanks.... I'll come with you." Ilsa on the other hand flushed from embarassment, what went on her mind to doubt Ethan at all. Ethan pulled Ilsa upstairs and they proceeded to prepare for their appointment. Ethan held Ilsa's hand along the way and sometimes puts his arms around her shoulders when they are walking.

When they arrive at the doctor, women immediately looked at the couple. Most of the patients are familiar with Ilsa but their interest peaked when they saw Ethan. Ilsa immediately saw hearts flying out of the women around them, silently counting the heads she will probably eat if things continue. For Ilsa what made worse was Ethan is oblivious on his surrounding and acts as if a motherhen to her, women both married and single; pregnant or not; have been removing Ethan's clothes with their eyes. Ilsa was about to call the women out but luckily the doctor immediately called them.

For all the years Ethan worked, he only hates one place and it's the hospital. He hates it with passion, the white starchy walls and sterilized smell of the rooms. The place always reminds him of death. However, today is different it's reminding him of life specifically the life he and Ilsa created.

"It's good to see you Daphne! You also brought a friend" Ilsa's doctor suprisingly said in perfect english accent. "Dr. Jerome Erickson, meet Rob Thorne, he is the father of my baby". The doctor looked hard on Ethan it's probably because Ilsa's been pregnant for 5 months and he just showed up now. Ilsa oblivious to what's happening thankfully broke the tension between the two. "You mentioned last month that I can now know the gender of my baby!" Ilsa said excitedly as a nurse assisted her to get her weight and blood pressure, she was also asked for a quick minute for urine sample before proceeding to the ultrasound.

Although Ethan feels the daggers that Dr. Jerome is shooting him, the hand that Ilsa has on him as she drags him to the exam area warms his heart.

"This is going to be cold Daphne but in a few minutes you're going in a surprise!" Cold gel was spread to Ilsa's tummy and then they looked on the screen to check the baby. The room became quiet as the first thing that they heard was the strong heart beat of the baby, both Ethan and Ilsa were in awe of the sound. Ilsa's hand on Ethan's grew firmer every second. Dr. Jerome watched them closely and his cold hard eyes grew warm a bit towards Ethan.

"Okay let's check if the baby is a he or a she..." Dr. Jerome took a minute to check the gender of the baby as it was moving and teasing the parents but eventually the child grew tired and rested a bit and gave the doctor a chance to check. The whole minute was torture for the couple but the waiting was worth it upon knowing the news.

"Oh! I think she's going to be gorgeous like her mum!" Ethan and Ilsa both looked at Dr. Jerome as if he grew another head. "I'm going to have a baby girl?!" Ilsa stuttered and looked at Ethan who just stared at Ilsa's belly. Ethan's mind immediately went into daydreaming having a picnic by the beach with a young girl and Ilsa with them waiting for him as he prepares the fish he catched, he checks on his family, and he sees Ilsa's finger with a ring matching his. His mind went back to reality and he looked at Ilsa, he can't help but laugh and cry a bit, his reaction became a sort relief for Ilsa, he probably scared her when he wasn't reacting.

"I'll protect her... I promise with all I have" For outsiders Ethan's promise maybe an emotion filled declaration and that's that but for both of them it meant much more. Upon hearing the heartbeat of her baby girl, Ilsa knows the danger her baby faces. Ethan and her are one, if not, the best spies their organizations had. That credential alone also brought big time enemies for both of them.

After the big reveal everything seems a blur for the two. The trip to the restaurant is uneventful, their walk back home is enveloped in silence but the two still hold their hands and sometimes walk side by side when its becoming a bit chilly for Ilsa. When they reached the apartment and as soon as Ilsa closed her door Ethan backed her at the door and kissed her. He wanted to do it since the doctor's appointment but decided to wait until he reached home to kiss her senselessly. Ilsa overcame her shock and returned his kisses. Ethan is overwhelmed with joy, pride and fear that made him cry, laugh and kiss Ilsa all the same time.

Ilsa found it too cute to see Ethan full of emotion and for a while every problem seems to go away. "Let me love you Ilsa... Let me love you, let me be by your side, I'll leave everything, I'll bury the past, just let me walk away with you". Ethan saw the shift of Ilsa's emotion and she started to remove herself from him, he had enough of Ilsa turning her back on him when he shows what he felt. Ilsa immediately went up with Ethan following her with pursuit.

"Ilsa! Will you just stop, why do you always do this? Why do you always turn your back to me whenever I show my emotions, affections to you?!" Ethan shouted as he followed Ilsa to her bedroom. Ilsa stopped by her drawer and got a thick brown envelope, she quietly and calmly walked towards him looked him coldly in the eye and gave him the brown envelope.

Ethan felt his anger melt as he saw her hopelessness behind her cold facade as he took the envelope from her. "I'm tired of running away Ethan, I'm too tired of hiding, if you want what's best for our child read this and evaluate everything.... Even me, I want your very honest opinion and whatever decision you have I'll accept it " A tear dropped from Ilsa's eye and Ethan can't help but wipe the tear from her cheek, his hands lingered on her face as she leaned on it, a few minutes past and Ilsa stepped away from Ethan to give themselves space from each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to show Ethan being very human as well, albeit his genius mind he also grows tired especially on the emotional toil he experiences with Ilsa. She's recently unreadable and her emotions are not helping the situation. The next chapters will show what Ilsa has been thinking all the while she is with Ethan and her reasons for not giving him a straight answer to all his questions.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ilsa tells what the real score is.

_I can feel the energy of the stage, the spot light directed, the cheers of the audience, orchestra joining them, fellow dancers around me looking. Although I could barely see everyone around me with the light on me, this energy I feel around me is like no other. I relish the joy, the adrenaline and satisfaction of performing and telling a story infront of people through ballet and the glamour it brings to everyone._

_Cheers slowly grew silent and the remaining sound I hear is clapping from my stage left. My smile grew wider as I saw him, in his white three piece suit and bouquet of flowers waiting for me. His blonde curls always looking just out of bed but matches his green eyes and charming smile handsomely._

_He closed the distance between us and kissed me tenderly. "My lovely Rose! The Swan Princess, how does it feel to be truly the star of the night?" I always can't help but blush like a teenager whenever he calls me his lovely Rose. "Oh you stop it! I practiced day and night to reach this, you know this is not just talent."_

_"I know my lovely Rose, that's why I'm so proud of you." He looked at me in the eye and I could feel the love radiating from him, I can never love a man like him again, he is it for me. However, I noticed his change in demeanor and he got serious like he needs to tell me something important. He held my hand and kiss my knuckles, something he does when he is nervous._

_"I love you with all my heart" he suddenly proclaimed, my heart soared high everytime he says it but had declared it a lot of times. "I thought we have established that?" We both laughed a little knowing its not anymore news to us. "I love you will all my heart Rose and I am so proud of you. You grew up very independent, brave and strong". I got a bit confused how things will unfold, he saw my brows furrow and my confusion on my eyes as he continued._

_"I'm thankful for all these years that you gave your heart and life to me and I can never repay you for that" I am getting more confused with all his attitude and statement but he never gave me an explanation. "I'm sorry that I brought you to this life, and you sacrificed yourself for years to achieve justice because of my own fault."_

_"What are you talking about?" I stepped back to take a look at him, I don't know where is this coming but I notice the sudden change in my surrounding, I noticed that we are standing inside vienna opera house stage and instead of my swan princess tutu I am wearing the yellow dress when I was here the last time._

_"I never wanted you to sacrifice yourself to correct my mistakes, and I can never forgive myself with what happened to you Ilsa". Realization dawned on me as he called me Ilsa because he never knew that name and he should never know the life I had as Ilsa Faust. I saw him cry as well and his features full of anguish and regret, my tears also flowed upon realizing the things we both missed and the reality we are in. I took his cheeks on my hands and wiped his tears trying my best to strengthen both of us. "Shh... No, it's not your fault I chose this life to seek justice. I never blamed you for anything, we were just both in a wrong place and in a wrong time."_

_He kissed my palm and he brought his arms around me, kissing my forehead. "You've done your part Rose, you should walk away now from here, give yourself a chance to love and cherish this life... Give him a chance"_

_"You know I can't, not while I still use the name, not while I have people possibly tailing me". I looked at him and I saw him smile with his eyes, resignation enveloped me as I know that deep within me I have already given my heart to someone else and he knows it even how much I deny it._

_"My Rose, my Rose, I know when you lie and you can never hide it from me even after 15 years." He briefly closed our gap with our foreheads together and he continued. "Even when you're still Elizabeth, you get the things you set your heart on, what makes you stop now? Being Ilsa Faust makes it more easier for you to get what you want, for once Rose, follow your heart, you deserve it."_

_"How about you?" I asked earnestly._

_"I am just your ghost from the past that stops you to embrace life. Never feel obligated to stay by my side, you've done enough and I will be more that happy to give you to him because I know he'll love you will all his heart." I finally looked at him and despite the sadness I feel for the loss between us, I felt relief upon hearing his permission, it's like the burden I've been carrying has been lifted and the sacrifices I did made sense finally._

_"Him?" I still asked fully knowing who he is referring to._

_"Ilsa!" Both of us looked at the voice who called me in the audience area, I saw Ethan looking at me in his black 3 piece suit and his charming and boyish smile._

_"He's waiting for you my Rose... Give him a chance, give him a chance Ilsa" I looked at Ethan then backed at him and my foot decided to follow my heart._

\---------

I woke up on my sofa and I noticed that it was nearing nighttime and must have slept the whole afternoon. The house is too quiet and I remembered my last conversation with Ethan, my heart sank deep and I never felt more lonely. I noticed there's warmth and light coming from my fireplace and I turned around in my position and saw Ethan near the fireplace loading wood to keep the fire up. He hasn't notice me yet so I watched him, savoring possibly my last few moments with him before we discuss the items inside the envelope.

I felt my baby kick a bit hard in my tummy that I hissed, Ethan heard me and went to my side immediately to help me up and soothe my belly. We sat on both ends of the sofa after and watched the fire dance, I couldn't read Ethan now but I feel like he's waiting for me to start the conversation and although I'm not ready to do it, I also can't bear the silence between us.

"Ilsa Faust is not my real name, it's just one of the many aliases that I use, my real name is Elizabeth Rose Eisendhart."

"Eisendhart of the House of Commons and also the owner of the biggest shipping company in Europe." Ethan butted in confirming if his assumptions were correct while still looking at the dancing flames infront of us.

"Yes, indeed I am. My dad had a seat in the House of Commons and we used to own the shipping company."

"You had a good life, what happened to you Ilsa?" Ethan asked as he tried to reach for my hands on my side. I moved it away from him because if he tried to hold me I might breakdown any moment and important things will be left unsaid.

"When I was young, I always dreamed of performing ballet in front of people. I dreamed to be a primabalerina and perform in the world's most famous stages. Indeed I had a good life, silver spoon in my mouth and carefree. I can easily get what I want, even my future and I was probably spoiled rotten then. Brat is I think you'll say when you met me that time. " I laughed a little remembering some of the good old memories when I was a kid.

"During one of my tours in Russia, I met a man who I thought I'd spend my life with" I noticed Ethan's eye twitch and a bit of jealousy from him but I decided to continue. "He was a businessman and I met him on the afterparty, my parents were very fond of him, they pictured him as the perfect Son-in-law for me and after a year of dating we were engaged, his name is Ilya Ivanov."

"Ilya... Ilsa... It's not a coincidence I presume?" Ethan asked finally looking at me. "No, never, he is partly the inspiration of my alias" I said.

"Not all stories are perfect Ethan, those years were too perfect to me that I never realized the can of worms hidden behind these so-called perfect life. Couple of months before my wedding, Ilya told me the truth that he was a former KGB." Ethan sharply faced me, his expression unreadable but I assume he will not like the next things I'll tell him. "He retired from the agency and led a simple life until he met me. I never asked him why he retired, I was naive and too simple minded to read between the lines. I wish I did you know."

"what happened next?" Ethan moved closer to me and enclosed my hand in a firm grip not letting me go. My tears started to flow, recounting the things that happened on that eventful night.

"During one of our family dinners a week before the wedding, the manor was under attack by assassins, they murdered anyone they crossed, women, children and men all dead. I saw them cut my dad's throat in front of me and pulled a shot on my mom's head. Ilya and I ran and we tried to escape but the assassins were too fast, I was helpless while Ilya got a gun and shot the incoming assassins while we ran. He told me to go on and run by myself, he also said that he needs to stop what he had started, he told me to remember his name, his connection to KGB and some information about his business. At first I didn't know what he was talking about but I ran, never looked back, I ran until I reached the office of MI6 as what my dad told me everytime there is an emergency.

I never remembered what happened after that, I only knew I woke up in the base a week after the incident. MI6 asked me a lot of details about my dad, Ilya, assassins, anyone my dad had a connection with. It was then that was revealed to me by MI6 that my dad is also an official arms dealer for UK but had illegal activities around the world.

The assassins were actually former KGB members that dissavowed and formed a terrorist group which my dad denied selling arms. Ilya was a part of that group unfortunately, but cut ties and sold their information to KGB and he became a double agent. I wanted to go back to my old life but MI6 told me that I am already a person of interest as my dad's activities were already exposed and I was the only survivor of the family..."

Ethan stood up and phased the room, I could see the anger on his eyes. "they took you as a collateral upon knowing your dad's activities?! They trapped you to this life?" He said angrily with his hands shaking. I can't help but cry silently and nodding at him, 15 years of being a collateral to answer to the crimes I never did, albeit I half-heartedly agreed with the deal.

"Ethan, remember that I agreed to this, it's my way of revenge and redemption, I agreed to them, they took hold my properties and assets and declared me dead a month after the murder. I trained to be an agent and I did my best, my drive was to get revenge from those terrorists and eventually free myself from this life." I tried to assure him but he is having none of it.

"Before destroying the USB I saw 65 million worth of assets from a company called Eisendhart shipping industry, did that came from you?" Ethan saw me hitched, I wasn't expecting him to remember it and that information was practically a new one that I only learned when Brandt gave me the envelope.

"MI6 comfiscated and took hold of the property, I never got to see where they spend it but I assume, yes, it came from the company."

Ethan got more furious after I agreed with his assumption. "They made you one of their machines, got hold of your properties and even funded the biggest terrorist group in the world. How much more will they dig for you? Why did you..."

"Why did I let it happen? You're asking?" I said calmly to him, I immediately saw regret from him but he has a point. "Redemption, Revenge and Freedom, this is my way to come home, Ethan" realization dawned on him, now fully understanding my statement when we met in Paris.

"After Kashmir, when MI6 exonerated me they gave back all my assests, I told them to put it under the name of Ilsa Faust because I can never use my original name then and Ilsa Faust is a floating personality, unsure if real or a fickle of imagination. They agreed, however they cut all the ties I had with them including their protection to me as Elizabeth Eisendhart. My history with them was completely removed. I know if things go wrong and their cover up from me got blown they'll finish me off in no time."

"That is why you immediately joined IMF as means of protection for you" Ethan said as if he read my mind so easily. There is no more point of denying the reasons behind my actions. "Yes Ethan".

"But when you got pregnant, why did you leave?" Ethan asked

"As long as I use the name Ilsa Faust I can never have a normal life and a baby with that kind of life is not something I want for my baby. CIA or even IMF can never protect me from all my enemies Ethan."

"Ilsa, you know we'll protect you with all we have, why do you still deny us from your life?" I can see the hurt behind his eyes but he needs to realize something.

"Ethan, in the eyes of the agency, I have a capability to become a terrorist, a double agent, and I can bring down anyone I want. They only knew me as Ilsa Faust but beyond that my past is some sort of a make up children's story. My life as Eisendhart never had a closure, my connection to the syndicate as Eisendhart is not yet done! Ethan, I received the brown envelope from Brandt last week, he told me that this file is with the Apostles, that alone can put me and my baby on a hot spot. Wherever I go, it's either I'm a person of interest, a double agent or a terrorist. I can never have a normal life and go around without the thought of being caught or targetted. That's why I can never allow you to be with me, all of you will hinder me on my search to safety and all of us will be in a death sentence as soon as my cover is blown."

I looked at the fire dancing freely infront of us, and I can say I am too tired of hiding, having aliases over aliases, hiding in safe houses after the other. Ethan stopped by the sofa and got the envelope, he looked at it hard before he went to the fireplace and threw all the contents on the fire. I was too shocked that I didnt notice I went near the fireplace and crawled to it, Ethan just took a hold of me to stop me from burning myself.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING ETHAN?!?!? Are you out of your mind?" I screamed at him, punch him on the face and stood up. He was primarily shocked but he immediately stood up went to me and kissed me full force, I tried to get away from him by removing his arms around me and putting it in an odd angle.

"Ilsa stop it!" He said as I turned him around and put my weight on him on the floor. "What do you think you are doing Ethan? Why did you throw everything on the fireplace?!" I said as I continue to hold his arm behind his back. "I threw everything because you are still holding on to it and I don't care about your past! I already knew Ilsa, I knew everything about you and I don't care! I still love and I will always whatever past you have". My grip on him slackened and he immediately sat up and took a hold on my shoulders.

"What do you mean you knew everything?" I got confused with what he said and even more so when he took a hold of me on my shoulders. "I was the one who gave the envelope to Brandt, I knew he and Luther were looking for you, Brandt is the one who told me your coordinates" I soon realized why all suddenly the team showed up one after the other and why they kept hinting about Ethan.

"Why do you have the envelope?" He took my face on both his palms so that I can see his eyes, my heart begin to flutter the warmth of his hands spreading on my body as he continued his explanation. "I took down the remaining members of the Apostles, I got all their information, every connection, anything that will erase them from the history. I searched for any remaining connection you have with them, to destroy it, to liberate you, in the hopes that you'll come back to me".

All he's done is for me, I got to enjoy my life because of him, I got to breathe and stil, be alive because of him, and yet I deny him of his only wish. I cried silently, my tears flowing to his hands on my cheeks, I felt so ashamed and selfish. He always understands me and yet I always fail to do so for him, too selfish for his affections. I realized all this while I thought of only protecting myself through my self-exile, but he'd done so much more by protecting me beyond borders. He put my best interest infront of him before his own.

I cried, because of relief, shame, love, honesty and burden, I cried all the pent up emotions I had bottled up for the past 5 and a half months. I cried the last 15 years of beiing a collateral, it was now that I felt completely human and vulnerable. Only Ethan Hunt made me feel that.

"Come away with me Ilsa, let's build a new life. I want you to be by my side until forever, I don't care if we live in a farm, or in a luxury apartment, I just want to live with you and our baby girl. Let's run away from the past, never care about it anymore...." He didn't get to continue as I kissed him hard, this is my only way of telling him how much I love him.

Behind the flames in the fireplace, we kissed with abandon and imitated the dance of the fire, passion fueling our emotions warming up our hearts and hopefully our future.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me two days to write this chapter haha! This is the hardest chapter so far that I have written because I don't want their conversation and the revalation to be cheesy. Making them true to their characters also made it a challenge for me. I was actually watching rogue nation whenever I felt drained or I reached a writer's block.
> 
> I do hope you guys enjoyed this chapter!


	11. Chapter 11

Luckily the sofa was big enough to fit the couple, both of them are laying on their side watching the fire crackle. Ilsa is pressed on Ethan's chest with Ethan's back on he backrest. Their limbs are tangled to radiate heat from one another. Ethan's hands is playing on Ilsa's hair while Ilsa seemingly sleeping.

"All along I thought you are brunette, don't get me wrong because dark blonde suits you too, I think you look beautiful whatever your hair color is." Ethan curled Ilsa's hair on his fingers, admiring her soft strands. Ilsa snorted lightly and shifted her body so she is lying on her back and she reached for Ethan's face to caress it.

Ethan noticed the solemn and deep thinking happening on Ilsa, he took her hand gently and kissed her palm and fingers. Every action he does, Ilsa seems to drink it and memorize every single move. "Hey Ilsa, care to share in the class?"

"Benji told me you went here without really settling anything with Sloane. Are you sure Ericka is okay with you here?" Ilsa asked being very thorough for every situation she is in. "They can't pull me out easily and I already have security of tenure, same people have been encouraging me to take my acquired leaves that if you computed can be actually for years already." Ilsa stopped caressing his face and rose half her body to lean on her elbows to looked at Ethan.

"That doesn't answer my question... so you mean anytime your still on call on them and you stay indefinitely here?" Ethan saw the worry in Ilsa's eyes upon realizing fraction of the situation he left in Langley. He wanted to leave everything and be with his family but he definitely can't hide from a person as smart or smarter than him. "When I say I'll walk away with you, I do mean it Ilsa, everything will come along way and things will be settled. We will have a chance to live like a normal family, you can still continue as a ballet dance instructor and I'll find a job. We'll live in a house with lawn and pickett fence, a family car and maybe several more kids along the way."

"I want that dream, Ethan....but..." Ilsa didn't finish her sentence as Ethan kissed her with passion. Every second that passes the kiss intensifies. He continues his kisses on her jaw, neck and collarbone and his right hand rests on her ribs near her breast. His other hand went to her back running the hand from small of her back to her nape.

Ilsa has one hand on his chest and the other lost in his dark hair down to the nape. It became apparent that their position is a bit of strain for Ilsa with her belly hindering her to getting much needed touch from him. Ethan brought them to a sitting position with Ilsa straddling him. All of a sudden Ilsa's kisses became wild and her hands all over him. He was delighted with the sudden change of mood and he gave back same intensity to Ilsa.

Ethan became more daring as his one hand went up from her ribs to her breast, Ilsa hitched and groaned from the contact. He massaged her breast and he was awarded with Ilsa grounding on his semi-erect hardness. His continued his ministrations when suddenly Ilsa moaned with her neck exposed to his kisses and eyes tightly shut, her actions came to a halt as if trying to catch her breath and Ethan realized what just happened.

"Did you just come before we do the actual thing?" Ethan laughed lightly while hugging her tightly, he's been trying to control his libido ever since this morning's fiasco with Benji and Irma so he understands what happened to Ilsa, who is also very hormonal, but the idea itself makes him feel smug and proud at the same time.

"Just shut up! I have been on the edge since we left things this morning." Ethan looked into her eyes and found it in the most intense blue he had ever seen. Her expression made him gulp as he saw her transform into a tigress ready to pounce at her prey.... which was him apparently. Ethan can't help but be more aroused in ten-folds if possible, he has been dreaming of being together with the love of his life and it's happening now. He was cut short with his daydream when Ilsa grabbed his hardness without breaking her eye contact to him, Ethan didn't realized his arousal until this and he involuntarily bucked his hips towards Ilsa and moaned loudly.

Ilsa immediately removed the fly of his pants, drew out his erection and pumped him hard and slowly. Ethan can't help but close his eyes and lean his head on the back rest trying his very best not to come right there in there. He felt Ilsa move and got surprised when he felt wetness trailed the side of his hardness. Ethan immediately opened his eyes and saw what Ilsa was doing. If Ethan haven't been controlling himself, the sight itself would make him come so hard, as he opened his eyes he saw Ilsa trailing her tongue on him and immediately took the whole of him and suck hard without breaking eye contact from him.

He groaned and gripped the sides of the sofa refraining himself on doing it to Ilsa's hair while she bobbed her head and massage him for a few minutes. Ethan knows if this continues for another 5 minutes Ilsa will be left all alone to herself. He immediately stopped Ilsa, he carefully removed her from him and he stood up and let her sit down instead.

"don't you like what I was doing?" There was a mischievous glint in her eyes and he knows she is teasing him. The seductress in her woke up and he never regrets any of it. "You know it's not that but it's not only you who has been on edge since this morning." He positioned himself between her legs, and Ilsa, as if reading his mind opened her legs knowing what's next to come.

Ethan kissed her knees, and then her inner thighs, anywhere except where she exactly wanted. "Ethan.... Please..." Desperate for the contact, Ilsa tried to raise her hips to show him where she wants him. Ethan took pity at her and placed a kiss on her cloth covered center. Both of then groaned with the contact, Ethan realizing how wet she is and Ilsa from months long of waiting for this moment.

Ethan immediately removed her panties and went to her in fervor. She screamed on the first contact and can't help but to buck her hips to his face. Ethan drunk on her sweet scent can't get enough of her and simultaneously eat and suck her at the same time. He placed a digit inside her and was awarded with her chanting his name and whimpering. Ilsa can't get enough of it took hold of his hair and the back of the sofa. Ethan curled his fingers and sucked at her hard just the way she loves it and she came with a scream repeatingly chanting his name as she goes down.

"Ethan.... That was so good" she said as she pulled Ethan on top of her and kissed him, tasting herself on him. "The door is locked and nobody can disturb us Ethan, I want you now right here, right now."

Ethan looked deep in her eyes and he knows that everything feels right. He took hold of her face and leaned his forehead to hers. "I love you Ilsa, with all my life." For others the confession is just something normal or even exaggerates, but for both the spies, a life is something very precious that no time can buy. "I never said it... But I love you too Ethan." Both of them slowly removed each other's clothes, far opposite to the lust fueled activities earlier. Their naked bodies are painted by the glow from the fireplace, Ethan sat up and allowed Ilsa to straddle him, he wanted her to control everything now especially with her condition.

Ilsa aligned themselves and she slowly went down to him slowly, the two of them groaned from the heat emanating from each other. Ethan can't help but admire the angel above him, with her soft, dark blonder hair flowing from her face and tickling his nose.

Ilsa stopped for a while, taking time from adjusting to him, as it had been months and truthfully although she doesn't want to admit to refrain from stroking other things like his ego, Ethan is quiet long and thick. "Sorry... Ilsa" Ethan said while kissing her forehead. "I know you are not.." Ilsa said half moaning and half serious. She went all the way up and slammed herself to Ethan, causing for Ethan to grip her hips and leaning his head on the backrest groaning, exposing his neck for Ilsa's kisses. Ilsa took a hard and slow phase, both of them hot, moaning and their nerve endings on overdrive.

They danced with the flames like there is no tomorrow, changing from slow and passionate, to fast and rough.

Ethan, losing his control flipped them with Ilsa on her back and him on his knees, he entered her swiftly causing for Ilsa to scream his name. He pounded on her making her whimper and scream alternately and him groan from the heat and wetness eminating from her. It took a minute for this rhythm to lose control and Ilsa immediately took his nape to kiss him, "I'm going to come Ethan, please make me come... " Ilsa said whimpering. Ethan took last few strokes and with a hard one, they came together both chanting each other's names like a prayer.

Both spent and satisfied, Ethan laid the clothes on the carpet and both of them laid on it going back to their earlier position while watching the flames. Ethan removing the now sweaty hair from Ilsa's face and Ilsa with her eyes closed. He placed his arms around Ilsa and hugged her while he pepper her nape with kisses.

"You did a smart move, diverting our conversation earlier, albeit effective, it's not yet finished." Ethan laughed softly and started to pepper kisses on her shoulders. "I think we should go to bed before we scar Benji when he arrives." Ilsa continued with her eyes still closed.

"Don't worry my love, I told him to tour himself and checked himself in a hotel, payments under my name... I actually feel sorry for him to see us being miserable."

Ilsa laughed heartedly and laid on her back, she looked lovingly to Ethan and kissed him on the lips softly. "Then we can have more of this later?" Ilsa said mischievously but was stopped when both of them heard their stomachs growl. Silence came and then both of them laughed whole heartedly.

"Our stomachs have a different plan my love." Ethan said as he tucked Ilsa's hair behind her ear.

"They have indeed".

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another very hard chapter to write although not like the last one but some bits in this chapter felt unconvincing for me while writing, so it took me long to revise. 
> 
> I'll be in an out of country trip next week so there are chances where I might not post on time but hopefully I will be able to write to refrain from leaving you guys hanging.
> 
> I'm also happy that there are new Ilsa/Ethan stories! 
> 
> Let's make this pair alive!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Them against the world

The apartment is quiet, the kitchen clean, the studio dark, the embers in the fireplace at the living room cooling down. The coldness of the winter starts to creep inside the house making the floors ice cold but this does not mean that the house is empty, it's far from it actually.

In the master bathroom, Ilsa and Ethan are quietly enjoying a relaxing soak in the bathtub after a quick dinner and several rounds of making love. Both sated and happy, the couple quietly savor the feeling of each other's skin. Ilsa is pressed on Ethan's chest while he alternately places kisses on her nape, shoulders and head while massaging her arms. The quietness of the two masks the overwhelmed feeling they felt after months of delayed gratification.

"How are you old man?" Ilsa straddled Ethan to meet his eyes, giving him a very seductive look while placing her hands around his neck. "This aging man you're talking about? Could still give you multiple orgasms better than those 20s to 30s guys around there". Ethan couldn't help but be smug as he remembered how wanton she was earlier. Ilsa flushed upon remembering the earlier activities but felt refreshed and unburdened after. "I don't need younger men if they don't have the same stamina and good looks as yours... I just want you, and you alone" She kissed him softly and Ethan couldn't help but feel his heart flutter.

Ilsa tried to sit up straight after, but she got out of balance a bit and Ethan saw the tiredness in her facial expression from today's activity coupled with their intense lovemaking. "You should probably go to bed now love, you shouldn't get too tired, it's not good for our girl." He said as his hands subconsciously rubbed circles to Ilsa's belly. Ever since they cleared things up earlier about their relationship, Ethan couldn't help but to touch Ilsa's belly whenever he can, just to assure himself that this is not a dream.

"Actually, sleep sounds nice. I definitely need one after all the things we've done for the whole day." Ilsa stood up from the tub and denied Ethan's assistance as usual. She didn't bother to cover herself up and just went inside the bedroom to prepare to sleep. Ethan didn't anymore felt hurt when she doesn't want help, he knows that's just her being very independent. As Ilsa went out of the bathroom he couldn't help but admire her more especially now that she's carrying their child, he sometimes find it annoying that Ilsa refer herself as whale when all he could see is her ethereal beauty.

Ethan also rose from the tub and proceeded to rinse and do some shaving. He only saw Ilsa for a couple of days but it felt like weeks dealing with their relationship, on top of that she is right that he didn't left things in Langley perfectly smooth. Apart from asking Benji to take a vacation, he asked him to track The CIA and intercept location signals if necessary. Luther and Brandt were also onlook for assassins or groups that will track the couple.

He wanted to be with his family as much as possible and the only way to do it is to completely cut ties from IMF and CIA. Ethan wouldn't need to do these if IMF just accepted his resignation, it's time to give himself the life he should have with Julia years ago, but IMF has a different plan for him which he is not anymore interested.

After his routine he got a fresh boxers and went inside the room, he can't help but smirk at Ilsa sleeping only in her robes on top of their duvet, still holding a brush, she indeed underestimated the fatigue she has. Ethan went to Ilsa's bedside to fix her sleeping position and to cover her with duvet, he dropped a loving kiss to her head and laughed a little seeing a once very alert agent even when sleeping ignore the world and sleep like no tomorrow now that she is pregnant.

Rather than sleeping on his side of the bed, Ethan went to the cabinet to get his laptop and burner phone while checking if Ilsa is awake. He then proceeded to go to the kitchen to contact his team and check the progress.

"Succesfully thaw the ice cold heart of the Ice Queen Mr. Hunt?" Brandt said as soon as the video call is up while Benji's and Luther's windows are still picking up signal.

"Stop it Brandt, if Ilsa heared you call her that especially now she will definitely turn you to a snowball." Ethan laughed at his friend's antic but immediately went to business as soon as Benji and Luther's windows connected. "So how's Langley Luther?... Brandt?"

"Same old, same old, from what I've gathered Sloane is looking for you personally but couldn't do it properly because her reasons where to general and the committee thought that your absence is just a case of an employee getting his much needed leave." Luther said through the video while seemingly drinking a beer.

"But the question is why can't she give a direct reason to the committee to look for you, unless there is an ulterior motive behind it, or..." Before Brandt could continue Benji went ahead on the conversation. "Unless it's about the Apostles, Lane or..."

"Or?" All three members asked Benji simultaneously getting confused with every hanging minute,

"Or Ilsa..." Benji continued.

"Why the Hell will Ilsa be connected here, she resigned from the organization already and has been exonerated since?" Brandt ask finding it ridiculous to hear that Ilsa can still be part of the problem.

"I can't be sure but everytime the Apostles and Lane were in the picture, even we want it or not, Ilsa and Ethan are always included." The team thought of Benji's idea but can't seem to picture out other things that Ilsa can be connected.

"MI6, we can never truly be free..." Ethan said outloud remembering Ilsa's revelation about herself and MI6's condition to her regarding their history and ties.

"What do you mean Ethan? What does MI6 needs to do with this?" Luther asked, voicing out their other teammates confusion. Ethan didn't clearly say his idea as he promised that it will only be between him and Ilsa. "I want you guys to just fully support us with this, I need to avoid any tails to us especially to Ilsa, she needs to be out of the game, our daughter needs to be out of it."

The rest of the team got surprised with the new knowledge they heard but all of them thought that greeting should be for later and proceed with the upcoming task on hand. Ilsa and her baby is the top priority now and everyone silently agrees to it.

"Benji, I want you to check any transaction or meetings CIA and MI6 has. Luther, can you continue intercepting signals that try to override us, Ilsa can't travel for atleast a year more with her condition, and Brandt, I want you to hack into surveillance of interogations to the remaining apostles. See to it that Ilsa's name or connection never be mentioned."

"Noted"

"Will do"

"Don't worry"

All three said simultaneuously.

Silence enveloped them but Benji decided break the ice. "Why are you shirtless? Don't tell me that you two just.... " both Luther and Brandt laughed at Benji's insinuation while Ethan face palmed at Benji's antics.

"Hey! It's not far from happening, just this earlier this morning I almost caught... " Benji was interrupted by Ethan before he can blurt out about this morning's fiasco by coughing and glaring at him. The laughter between the two remaining members grew into tenfolds upon realizing what happened earlier.

"So you have indeed tamed the Ice queen!" Brandt joke to Ethan.

"Shut up Brandt, I just didn't choose to wear a shirt now to not further disturb Ilsa while she is sleeping, but don't worry I'm definitely wearing a boxers. "Benji and Brandt groaned getting the complete mental image of Ethan.

"Congratulations by the way, for your baby girl" Luther interjected as soon as the other two recovered. Everyone in the team thinks that it's high time for Ethan to settle, that's why they are committed to help Ethan as much as they can. Ilsa should never be a ghost to Ethan like how it was with Julia. The sacrifices he made can last him a lifetime and it's time to give him this chance.

Ethan smiled to them but they all know how worried he is now and how vulnerable this situation is for Him and Ilsa. "Walk away from this life Ethan, I seem to have failed once with you and Julia but I will never let that happen between you and Ilsa." Brandt said all too serious.

"You have our backs man, Ilsa is our top priority." Luther said to Ethan.

"No need to get worried Ethan, we are your friends and we won't fail you" Benji said remembering all the sacrifices Ethan made for them and now it is their time to do it for him.

"Thanks"

Overwhelmed with the support, Ethan didnt notice that the lines went off after sometime and the kitchen is silent except for his breathing. He is both scared and happy but most especially worried about his future with Ilsa. It's not anymore Ilsa versus Ethan, but it's them against the world.

Ethan went back to the bedroom, kept his belongings and laid down his side of the bed. He pulled Ilsa to his chest and snuggled to her, atleast for tonight her warmth and softness can thwart the hard worry he has for the future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I was a bit late for posting, I was too busy with my trip and getting internet connection.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just a normal day for the couple mixed with some "little" surprises here and there.

It's 6am on a saturday morning and although it is a relaxing start of weekend, it is just a start of another work day for Ethan. He luckily got a job as a part time martial arts instructor in a studio few blocks from their apartment a month after he arrived in Vienna. On weekdays he works as a paramedic in the local hospital, he thought he should equipped himself before Ilsa's due date. Despite his busy schedule, he always finds time to be with Ilsa as much as he can.

Ethan developed a new hobby of cooking, call him O.C or anything but he wants to make sure that Ilsa eats everything necessary for their child's growth, much to Ilsa's chagrin. Secretly, he also began working on portraits of Ilsa when she is unaware, he loves the way he captures every moment with Ilsa without a mission or without doing it to make a facial recognition of her. He loves drawing every moment he can see her and he keeps these in a small moleskin notebook. Ilsa doesn't know it and he wants to make it like that.

"What are you thinking about? You've been in the shower now for more than 10 minutes". Ethan must've been really engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't notice the shower door opening and Ilsa coming in. Ilsa snaked her arms around his back and she slowly peppered his back and nape with kisses. He knows that she is completely naked with her full breast and stomach pressed firmly on his back, Ethan can't help to be aroused knowing that there is a seductive and willing woman under the shower with him.

Ethan suddenly hiccuped when he felt Ilsa drag her tongue from his shoulder blades up to his nape. She went in front of him and have her arms around his neck and kiss him ferverently. "Ohhh someone is also very happy to see me.... Good morning to you too" Ilsa said as she noticed Ethan's erect cock and she dragged her fingers around him. Ethan is trying his best to control himself so he placed his hands on the wall but he found it later to be a wrong choice because he just trapped Ilsa infront of him.

She saw this as a permission for her to go down to him and take him in her mouth. "Ugh... But Ilsa I need to go to work by 7am, I still need to prepare....break... uhh..fast." Ethan said trying to control his groan and moan but failing to do so.

Ilsa suddenly stood up and pecked him on his lips before immediately leaving the shower. Ethan was dumbfounded and groaned when he realized Ilsa have done it again to him. For the past two weeks she's being very naughty and moody at the same time, sometimes he loves it but most of the time she's testing his patience. He immediately turned the dial to cold and take care of himself before he becomes late for work.

Breakfast is uneventful and as if nothing happened in the shower area for Ilsa but it just made Ethan frustrated, so he went to work as soon as he can. Before he kissed Ilsa goodbye he was sure he saw a mischievous glint in her eyes and he sighed internally because he knows Ilsa's up to something.

For the past few weeks, Ilsa has been very moody and her libido shoot up 1000 times more than what's necessary that it makes her very frustrated especially that she wants to jump on Ethan as much as she wants, the remaining functioning part of her brain knows that he has a work to do, so to divert her frustration she made Ethan her project, she wants to share her "frustration" to him as well without him noticing it. It also makes her practice her spy skills especially to the best IMF agent.

She's thinking of dragging Irma to a shop to buy some surprise for Ethan and she hopes he'll not disappoint her.

It's lunch time already and Ethan is about to go home and cook lunch but as usual things don't go as planned.

The martial arts studio he is working on also acts as day care for toddlers and children from ages 3-6 years old. Ethan is assigned to advance martial arts classes for teens so he doesn't usually mingle with the kids.

"Rob!" Ethan is better known as Rob Thorne here in Vienna, it somehow sticked because it is also one of his Aliases that Ilsa knew from Kashmir, an event that essentially gave him a chance to Ilsa.

"Yes? What can I do for you Jacob?" Ethan asked being very accomodating to everyone.

"I have an emergency right now because my niece is in labor now and I usually take care of nap time for the toddlers in the studio and I can't find anyone to do it for me....." Jacob is the managing partner of the studio with his niece, he is already a senior and best known to everyone as Pops. His niece usually takes care of the toddlers but because she is pregnant Jacob volunteered in place of his niece. Kids also love him and that makes things easier for everyone.

"I'm really sorry Rob but I need to go..." Ethan wasn't able to say anything to the old man much to his annoyance.

"This is such a drag, I am even looking forward to lunch with Ilsa" He said to himself while fishing his phone in his bag to message Ilsa about some change in plan.

He immediately went to the toddlers area and saw only 3 toddlers playing and left over lunch food by the area. "Hey guys! How are you doing?" Ethan asked the kids trying his best not to be intimidating. The kids looked at him as if assessing if he's dangerous or not and went back to playing. Knowing the kids wouldn't mind him and nap time is still an hour from now, he went to fix the dishes and made the blankets for the kids to take a nap.

While he was working on the sleeping area, Ethan felt a tug on his shirt and looked at his back to see the only girl in the group, about 3 years old getting his attention.

"What does the princess needs?" Ethan said as he crouched down to the girl's level. "I am not a princess!" The girl said while she is thumb sucking.

Ethan can't help but laugh because the brunette hair, the blue eyes and the determination within of the child is very familiar to Ethan, something that he love so much.

"Ok so what are you?" The kid stood up straight proudly and looked straight to Ethan, "I am a warrior princess and I want to be a ninja when I grow up!" Ethan can't help but be very amused with the kid because she is like a mini Ilsa.

"What's your name kid?"

"My name is Rose and I am 3 years old" Rose said while raising her 3 small fingers. "Who are you mister? We haven't seen you before." One of the older kids asked, coming near to Ethan and Rose. "I am Rob, I also teach here but to the older kids". The 2 older kids remained skeptical but continued playing within Ethan's vicinity. Rose on the otherhand followed Ethan wherever he goes, he does find it cute, he thinks it's a kid version of having a crush.

An hour passed and its already nap time, the two boys followed easily and slept in no time but Rose like any other 3 year old has buckets of energy to spare. "Rose, how can you be a ninja if you don't sleep?"

"Ninjas don't sleep Mr. Rob, they attack on nights so they don't sleep" Rose said smartly. Every remark she has makes Ethan remember his Ilsa, smart, feisty, independent but still loving.

Ethan thought that maybe Rose will lose her energy and sleep in no time so he decided to let her play until she drains herself but the that task is quiet hard because an hour had past and the kid still has full of energy. He tried telling stories to the kid hoping to calm he down but to no avail.

The door to the studio opened up and saw Ilsa coming inside, he texted her his location to maybe just drop by to bring him lunch. Rose looked at Ilsa and her eyes became big like saucers, Ethan noticed it and laughed a little because he knows some hero worshipping will happen in a few minutes, Ilsa's beauty and pregnancy glow matched with her white winter clothes makes her look very angelic.

"Well, well, well, the only person who can test you and succeed against you is a 3 year old girl" Ilsa said as she sat near Ethan on the floor. "Hi I am Daphne... And ... " Ilsa didn't finish her sentence because Rose stood in front if her and butted in, "Are you an angel? You're so beautiful....how can I be like you?"

Ethan found it timely for someone to say to Ilsa that she is beautiful especially that she is having insecurities because of her pregnancy, he's also amused that he saw a 3 year old made the great Ilsa Faust blush.

"Well thank you... Uhmm what's your name little girl? I am Daphne by the way" Ilsa said as she offered her hand for a handshake. Rose took her hand enthusiastically, completely starstrucked on Ilsa, "My name is Rose and I wanna be a ninja!" Ethan saw a faint sorrow that passed through Ilsa's eye upon knowing the kid's name but she immediately regained her focus to the kid. He forgot for a moment how that name carries something deep within Ilsa.

"Is Mr. Rob your prince? Are his princess? Where do you live? How do you know Mr. Rob?" The kid asked simultaneously. Ilsa immediately grew fond on the kid and her energy, it's not everytime that you meet a kid whose energy can fill up the cold winter days.

"Mr. Rob here is not my prince". Everyone grew silent upon Ilsa's admission, Ethan got confused and hurt with her statement but Ilsa is not yet finished. "He is my heart Rose, my heart" Ethan was surprised that he looked directly at Ilsa, but he also felt a bit ashamed because he doubted her feelings for him.

"Heart? Why heart Ms Daphne?" Ilsa looked at Rose endearingly, she took her in her arms and let her sit on her lap, Ilsa swayed Rose a bit before she answered the kid's question. "A heart is something inside our bodies that make us alive, if we remove it in our body, we will die and our love one don't want that.... That's why we try our best to take care of our heart." Ilsa said as he looked at Ethan the whole time.

Ethan reached for Ilsa's hand and kissed the back of her arms, they immediately noticed that Rose fell asleep and the couple laughed a bit, Ilsa let Ethan eat his lunch and fix the studio before Jacob arrives and she lulled Rose to sleep together with the 2 other kids. It was around 4pm in the afternoon that, Ethan is seating beside the two boys while doing something on a notebook and Ilsa still carrying a sleeping Rose when Old man Jacob arrived by the door, the two buys ran towards Jacob for a hug and Jacob immediately noticed Ilsa with the sleeping Rose, he immediately deduced that she is Ethan's "wife" and went to her as soon as he can.

"It's a feat to make little Rose sleep so soundly, Your wife is a keeper Rob! Take care of her!" Ethan wasn't able to correct the old man because Rose immediately cried when she was removed from Ilsa lap to allow her to stand.

"I know you had plans earlier and I'm sorry for that, go now I can handle to studio from here" Jacob assured the couple and encouraged them to leave as soon as they can. It was a different day to experience, for Ilsa seeing a girl by the name of Rose by the same determination as hers, puts an ache in her heart but it gives her something more to push forward and take care of her baby girl.

For Ethan, he had a glimpse of what a family life with Ilsa would be and it makes it even more exciting for him. It also made his heart flutter that Ilsa loves him maybe more than he can and he is determined to give everything for her. They stopped by a cafe on Ilsa's request to eat lemon squares, Lemons, Ilsa's latest cravings.

"Ethan, I'll just go to the washroom, please also order me a lemonade please"

"Ok Love will do." Ilsa left a peck on Ethan's lips before heading to the restroom. After a while, he noticed that his phone is vibrating inside his pocket but when he checked his phone, something is still vibrating in his pocket.

Darkness loomed over Ethan remembering that he always bring his burner phone inside his secret pocket. "Why does it have to be now?!" He said internally as he fish his phone from his pocket. He checked the number and notice the area code is from Langley, Ethan immediately dismantled his phone and kept it as soon as he saw Ilsa coming out from the washroom.

"Hey, have you ordered my lemon squares and lemonade?" Ethan tried his best poker face especially that Ilsa can read him like an open book most of the time. "Ethan what's the problem? Why do you look like you saw a ghost?" Ilsa placed her hand on his cheeks and he felt clamy for her. "Do you want to go home, you look a bit sick."

"No, Ilsa I just felt tired a bit and I am a bit hungry now, I think another serving of lemon squares for me would be good." Ethan hoped Ilsa's attention will divert from him.

"Ok, I'll order for you and also coffee" Ethan sighed thankful that Ilsa didn't notice anything unusual but he just hope that CIA never trace them and his friends will contact him before CIA can come to them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. I just arrived from my month long trip last week and I wasn't able to write as soon as I can because I need to work on something in the office. I hope this chapter will do justice to your long wait!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does the two agents look for the best gift to one another?

Luther happily prepares his steak and beer for the day near St. Bart's in his yatch. It's the day before Christmas and he just wants to celebrate it without any signal from Langley, just some video games, beer and steak. In the middle of his preparations, inside his room, his computer simultaneously beeps with signal pointing out at Vienna and his burner phone receiving several missed calls from Benji.

_______________________

Ilsa is frustrated and superbly for that matter. Apart from her extreme mood swings and food craving, she notices that Ethan is too busy for work and goes home late, he also seems to avoid her time to time. She is independent and wouldn't mind much about it but her hormones makes her helpless and a cry baby all the time.

What's adding her frustrations is the holiday season. For the past 5 years Ilsa never mind giving gifts because every day being alive in the syndicate is a blessing. She never thought and felt Christmas so now that she is free it's hard for her to experience the holiday season.

She already bought gifts for Irma and her grandmother, she also bought gifts for the IMF team. However, she would rather choose any mission from choosing a gift for Ethan.

He has everything and can afford everything, she doesn't even know why he wants work part time! But ofcourse everything is for show, We can't just brandish our accounts and identity anytime we want.

He always says not to think of giving him gifts, but the more he says it the more she feels ashamed of attempting not to give him anything. So she is here in the mall with Irma, strolling and desperately looking for a gift for Ethan.

"Any man loves a new leather shoe! And I know you definitely know his size" Irma said winking at her. Ilsa rolled her eyes with her friend's insinuation and continued window shopping, Ethan is very minimalist mostly because of the constant need to move when emergency strikes so a leather shoes is not something he will be appreciate over time.

She first thought of giving him a gun but knowing the tech available from IMF maybe it's not a smart gift. She thought of giving him a smart phone but even their burner phones are smarter than the ones available in the market. She looked on to men's accessories and thought of perfume but she knows that Ethan is very particular with his perfume and prefers to buy his own. She thought of buying him clothes but they both went for a clothes shopping a few weeks back. Sighing, Ilsa looked for the nearest bench and sat down rubbing her heavy stomach.

"Why don't we look for baby clothes and accessories first before we continue on Rob's gift, that way you can both window shop and take a breather!" Irma hoped her suggestion would lighten up Daphne's spirit seeing that her relationship with her fiance?? Or husband or whatever relationship she has start to normalize.

"You know what, that seems good!" Yep, Ilsa internally agreed to Irma's suggestion and she definitely needs a breather. Baby accessories and clothes shopping is also something that she wanted to do.

The duo went to the baby store where they checked the cribs, strollers and onesies for Ilsa's little princess. Ilsa is thinking of either having a nutcracker theme or a neverland theme. Deep within her she knows she shouldn't let Ethan design the nursery because for god knows what he'll probably have a warrior "princess" theme and several hidden IMF tech she wouldn't to imagine near her daughter.

At the corner of her eyes she saw a mini teddy bear factory where kids can customize their stuff toys, what caught her attention are not the kids playing but a little bear family displayed at the top shelf.

"Papa bear, Mama bear, baby bear..." Ilsa said the words from the clothes of the bears.

"Dad! Mom and I are playing tea party, come play with us..."  
"My little Rose and the family of bears!"  
"Dad! Please repeat the story for me..."  
"You are the one and only princess! My Princess Rose Eisendhart"

Flashes of Ilsa's childhood came to her and soared from within, and instead of sadness and regret, happiness is the only feeling she has now, something she wants her child to have.

"Excuse me!" Ilsa called one of the sales clerk to help her get the bear family set.  
"I want to have the bear family set" The stuff toy feels very soft on her fingers bringing memories of her happy childhood with her father telling her bedtime stories of goldilocks and the bear family. She also noticed the father bear with a funny red sweater and sown threads on his head styled like a hair, if she would take a look at it better, the bear has the same hairstyle as Ethan.

"Aww that bear is so cute! And scaringly looks like Rob!" Irma said while getting busy accessorizing her own bear.

"Irma, come with me I think I have a gift idea for Rob now" Ilsa said pulling Irma to the cashier and immediately going out of the door.

\---------------

It's already evening and Ethan just finished his surprise for Ilsa, he tried his best to be impassive but Ilsa is highly perceptive on secrets so he tried avoiding her as much as possible. However, that didn't went well as much as he wants, her moodswings are in full force and he can feel daggers on his back everytime he turns his back to her.

So it was a surprise for him to see Ilsa arrive before dinner, he was scrambling inside to room and running towards the stairwell where he can hear Ilsa coming up.

"Ilsa! What are you doing so early?" Ethan asked trying his best to hide his surprise from her.

"Is there something wrong if I chose to go home early?" Ethan looked sheepish but eventually regained his confidence. "Well I just thought you'll be eating with Irma so I didn't prepare anything to eat for you. Ethan gulped when he noticed Ilsa profiling him and the rest of the apartment

Ilsa looked at Ethan from head to toe, he is not wearing a shirt which is definitely distracting but there are traces of red streaks on his chest which are rather very distracting... again. She also notices a strong smell of tinner and paint in the apartment and she could see faint dust particles around.

"What did you do Ethan Hunt?" Ilsa began circling Ethan like a tigress on her prey. Ethan on the otherhand took a stoic stance to make Ilsa believe he is not hiding anything from him. "Oh nothing, I just decided to help earlier in the office's carpentry work and I haven't changed yet because I only arrived a few minutes before you".

Ilsa evaluated Ethan and he seems sincere but the smell of varnish and paint betrays everything he is saying. Yes he did carpentry but not in the office but in the apartment instead. She checked her surroundings and found a sliver of light in the spare room right across their bedroom. She immediately made a beeline to the room with Ethan tailing her and asking that nothing should be worried about.

Right from the start Ethan knows his excuses are futile against Ilsa, it's even stupid for him but just incase he wants to believe that she'll believe him for that matter.

Ilsa was awed by the sheer beauty once she sees the spare room, it looks like a Rose garden with the ceiling covered with synthethic vines, floor is carpetted and feels like cotton with the color of emerald green mimicing grass. One wall has a big mural of a rose garden, in the middle of the mural wall rests a white and pink sofa bed. On the two sides of the sofa bed are white side tables and at the far corner are pendant lights looking like a basket full of vines and flowers. On the opposite of the wall are series of cabinets and shelves for toys, accessories and clothes it's not yet fixed but the workmanship is very commendable. At the middle of the room is a crib hanging from the ceiling, the chains that holds the cribs looks like a vine with roses. At the top of the crib is a mobile of flowers, stars and one tiny motorcyle.

The whole place is too perfect for their kid and she can't contain the happiness that she has right now that Ilsa just chose to cry. She knows that meaning behind the rose garden theme, it's also quiet comedic to show a motorcycle in the middle of the rose mobile because it's one of the few things that Ilsa excels more than Ethan and thay hiding in the mobile is too funny to deny. Ethan hugged her from the back to hush her, thankful that his surprise really made Ilsa happy.

"Merry Christmas Ilsa, and also to my light, our baby girl. I was really trying my best to hide this from you so I'm sorry if I was too busy to attend to you." Ilsa turned around and hugged Ethan, she buried her nose to his neck, relishing his warmth and his unique scent that she loves so much. Their baby also started kicking her stomach thag Ethan felt as flutters of approval.

"I have a gift for you too, I wanted to surprise you but once again you out did me darling." Ilsa pulled the bear family set and two red sweaters, one baby size and another adult size. The baby size sweater has "daddy's little princess" written while the bigger sweater has "Little Princess's King" written.

Ethan was filled with love seeing the bear family and the sweaters. He finds it funny to see a Papa bear looking like him and feels his heart explode with a matching sweater with his daughter. For the past years of just accepting never having an opportunity to have his own family, this is the first time that he felt accepted and everything on the right place.

"I love you Ilsa and our daughter very much. Thank you for letting me in." Ethan hugged and kissed Ilsa, pouring all his love to her.

"As distracting as you look, I'm quiet hungry Ethan... For real food" Ilsa slapped his arm jokingly when Ethan winked and teased her. "Let's just continue this tomorrow and I'll cook something special for you." The couple left the bear family on the middle of the sofa and brought the rest of the sweaters with them. Ilsa finally understands what it is to experience Christmas with family and she is grateful for it to her daughter and Ethan.

The couple turned off the lights and left the room. Among the apartments in the block, their house has most of the lights open, ready to celebrate and make the most out of the holidays.

However, across the street is a mysterious man watching at the shadows of the couple on the living room. "I found them...." The man said on his phone before leaving and dissapearing in the city's crowd.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! This is some fluff for the holidays and quiet shortrr than previous chapters.
> 
> We get to see something normal for Ethan and Ilsa but this story is also some sort of a fluff before the storm.


	15. Chapter 15

The high ceilings of the church echoes the small laughs of people and the chirps of the birds. The stained glass adds color to the white interiors of the church as if. Aking the angel statues fly and dance around.

"Ilsa, do you accept, Ethan Matthew Hunt as your lawfully wedded Husband, in sickness and in health, in normal or fugitive life filled with terrorist roaming around and looking for both of you to get on against the number 1 IMF agent that could beat them.... "

"Oh shut up Luther, Please be serious"

Luther, Ethan, Benji and William all stood beside us with Luther presiding the ceremony laughed at the lightheartedness between Luther and Ethan. This is the first time for me to see Luther wear something white and it baffles me that a matching white fedora is still a must.

Benji is behind me in his white 3-piece suit with his electric blue tie, he definitely looks preppy and cake-y, holding my bouquet of red roses. William is behind looking very handsome as the groom of honor in his grey 3-piece suit and red tie.  
Ethan's warm hands enveloped mine and I can't help but blush under his endearing gaze. He is all handsome in his white tuxedo that perfectly matches my dress.

"Let's cut the chase Luther, I'll marry him and I do know he thinks the same, am I wrong Ethan?" Ethan was a bit flabbergasted but they all know the temper that I have for these occasions even if it is my wedding.

"Of course, of course, I'll marry you Ilsa Faust or Elizabeth Eisendhart or Daphne Mclaren, whatever identity you go by I'll still marry you. Ethan kissed my palms and the boys around us couldn't help but whistle at his smoothness.

"Okay, Let's exchange the rings" Will pulled out the ring box from his pocket and gave it to Ethan, he slowly pulled the ring and placed it on my finger all the while never removing his eyes from me. I, on the other hand was mesmerized with the cold feeling of the metal sliding on my finger and when I looked up I saw the love in Ethan's eyes.

A blinding white light suddenly filled th church that when I opened my eyes, I saw a pair of loving green eyes, same as my dream looking at me as if studying every feature on my face. The difference now is we are both naked under the bed covers and the morning sunshine peaks through the curtains.

"Good sleep?" I leaned to his hand that caresses my cheek. "I do, thanks to you,my loving husband." I said as I hugged him and muffled my words to his collar. Silence passed between us that I started to wonder what happened until I remember what I said earlier. Embarassment flooded me and I immediately sat up to look for my clothes and go to the bathroom.

I tried to look at Ethan but he is definitely in shock of what happene and didn't notice that I already left him on the bed. "Stupid.... Stupid... I just had one dream and everything for the morning is ruined." I locked the door and turned on the shower dial to the coldest that I can be in, I rummaging in the room and the door closing.

"My brain is a total mush, I don't want a repeat performance of this and let's just hope he lets it slide." I thought as I am washing myself vigorously.

Breakfast was uneventful as if nothing happened in the bed. We had our usual chats about his schedule for today, the food I might request from him and all other things.

"I might be home a bit late, just in time for dinner so what do you want me to buy outside later?" Ethan noticed that I am a bit absent minded so he touched my hand to get my attention. "Ilsa? Are you alright?"

"I want to cook for you this time and show you my cooking skills so you know I am also a wife material..."  
"Dammit! There again.... " For the second time just within an hour Ethan looked so suprised to me. I felt the blood rushing to my head and cheeks that I began to feel dizzy, I tried to stand up but immediately fell back my chair.

"Are you alright? Do you want me to stay over?" Ethan came to my aid immediately but I don't think I'll survive another hour with him for the meantime. My brain is not cooperating with me and I need a diversion. "You should go ahead Ethan, I'll just sleep this off and I'll be as good as new, just remember I'll cook dinner for you!I stood up and pushed Ethan out of the door with his bag and shoes and I closed it as soon as I can and proceeded to fix the kitchen and preoccupy myself with other things.

\--------------------

Ilsa occupies Ethan's mind for some unusual reasons, he seems to let it slide but she definitely has some explanation to do. He never introduces the prospect of marriage to Ilsa because she will definitely think that he is asking it only for the baby. She is a woman who values commitment and dedication, he knows he haven't earned her complete trust especially with the looming responsibility he left in Langley. As long as he is still running away from the intelligence world he doesn't want to tie Ilsa to him permanently.

"What's bugging you young man?" Jacob noticed Rob's deep thoughts and restlessness. For someone who he always sees so calm and collected, a restless Rob is very unusual for him and it's probably bothering him a lot.

"Oh no, nothing I'm fine," Ethan wanted to divert the old man's attention but possible words of wisdom may be helpful for him too. He also noticed Jacob not believing every second bit of what he said. "It's just that my girlfriend seems like she unknowingly implies something."

"Daphne? Girlfriend? I thought she is your wife, she is also pregnant? Tsk, tsk young people are really different now.. Anyway what is she implying to you?" Jacob asked unaware that his opinion between the couple took Ethan aback.

"Well she acts unusual and she had two freudian slips earlier, she is not someone who just have slip of the tongue, everything she says is well thought off and not just off the hook idea." Everything that happened earlier is out Ilsa's character but he can't help think of it because it makes his heart jump.

"What did she specifically tell you" Ethan contemplated Jacob's question for a while, making the old man assume he hit a tough spot from him. "well if it's too personal to you I'll..."

"Oh no... I just got lost in thought earlier" Ethan assured the old man "anyway... She actually hinted marriage twice earlier this morning but it is definitely a slip on her part because it left her embarassed." It's not just some intentional slips or manipulation from Ilsa but purely out subsciousness which bothers him the most.

"How far along is she Rob" Ethan looked at the old man getting confused as to what the correlation of Ilsa's pregnancy with his problem.

"Rob, I've been married for 50 years and I have 5 children, your problem is definitely connected to her pregnancy," He needed much wisdom that's what Ethan thought so he relented and answered Jacob. "6 and a half months".

"They say that pregnant women at this age are getting out of sorts, tackless or clumsy. I don't believe those you know..." Jacob started as he sat beside Ethan

"How do you say so?" Ethan got a bit curious as to what Jacob wants to imply.

"Pregnancy never made them clumsy or tackless or out of sorts, what happens is they loose the filter in their head. Whatever idea comes out at this stage is something that came deep within them. Maybe previously she doesn't think that a conversation a out marriage is needed in your current situation that is why she never opened up. You are also implying that she is very independent that being tied to somebody is not a feat to think about."

"I do agree on some point Jacob but Daphne doesn't just blurt out things, I have seen her in far worse situation and she is always composed." Ethan retorted to the old man.

"But have you ever seen her pregnant? You told me this is her first time. Pregnancy always bring something new to the expecting mother. She is new to this and she will definitely be all over the place, it's not a simple job like an instructor or a lawyer that logical solutions can solve problems along the way. Daphne is probably experiencing raw emotions that she couldn't identify and makes her vulnerable. If I may say, the slips you are mentioning, they are not freudian slips but these are unfiltered thoughts in her head. "

It now completely makes sense to Ethan and he couldn't help but feel bad for Ilsa.

"have you ever asked anything about marriage to her?" Ethan's suddenly surprised to the question.

"We haven't talked about it." Jacob looked at Ethan which made him uncomfortable, Jacob seems to think long and deep trying to think his next question.

"Why haven't you? Are you scared she might turn you down?" Jacob continued.

"Uhmm, Yes and No. I'm not scared if she'll turn me down, but there are other circumstances that makes deciding difficult, circumstances that we both couldn't explain to others." Ethan said truthfully and avoiding Jacob's look.

"Rob, look at me... In all my life I saw how love works, I know it may sound cheesy but it is true that it finds its way in this world. I don't know yourcircumstances but as much as you'll have your kid soon, both of you should get your shit done."

Jacob offered a friendly tap on Ethan's shoulder and left to tend to the smaller kids for the afternoon leaving Ethan on his thoughts about Ilsa. He left the studio more confused but one thing became clearer and that is love can find it's way in this world. He may be the best spy but he doesn't know how that works but only he loves Ilsa more than Life.

He walked aimlessly on the streets until he stopped by a jewelry store and caught his attention with a very simple but elegant ring on display.

_________________________________________

"Are you sure you're okay when I leave?" Irma asked while tidying up the kitchen after they made basically a feast with roasted lamb, bolognese pasta, tuscan salad, walnut cupcakes (which Ethan loves) and a mango yogurt drink (which Ilsa currently loves).

"I'm fine Irma and it's fun too preparing dinner. I haven't done this for 2 months already" Ilsa assured Irma.

"What the hell got between you and Rob? Did you two fight again? Irma leaned on the kitchen counter while eating the left offer icing from the bowl feelng nonchalant and nosy as usual.

"Oh no, nothing like that, I just promised him I'll cook for him." Ilsa called Irma after Ethan left in the morning to basically cancel the class at the studio and help her prepare for dinner. She wanted to make it special for Ethan not just because of the slips earlier but because she wanted to thank him for all the time he sacrificed his happiness for her.

The two friends continued cleaning the kitchen and eventually the house. Irma left soon after and Ilsa waited by the fireplace and read pregnancy books that she bought last christmas. She suddenly heard the door open and some cursing about the cold weather signifying Ethan is the one at the door.

For Ethan, he immediately noticed the serene atmosphere of the house and the deliciously smelling dinner he knows is waiting for him. "This is definitely knew" Ethan thought.

"Hi Ethan, how's Jacob?" Ilsa stood by the end of the hallway while rubbing her stomach looking every bit of an angel for Ethan. "Same old Jacob, he's busy with the kids. I do think you overdid yourself with cooking, I could definitely smell a variety of food." Ethan walked towards Ilsa and placed his hands to the side of her stomach and hips while placing a tender kiss to her forehead.

"Well, I told you I'm also good at the kitchen and this is the testament to my talent! You're not the only one with talent Mister Hunt." They walked together to the dining area and sat at the prepared table.

Dinner time is filled with stories of the accounts of the day, all the while Ethan is thinking at the right moment when to pop the question. "Why are you looking at me like that Ethan? Is there something wrong?"

Ethan reached for Ilsa's hand, kissed it and held it for a while. "Thank you, you know that I love you right?...." Ilsa is a bit confused as to what is happening but decided to go along Ethan. "What is happening to you? Do you not want my cooking?". Ethan laughed a bit, he definitely loves her cooking and though he doesn't want to inflate her ego, being pregnant gives her some exemptions. "I love your cooking Ilsa, it's even better than mine."

"Then what is the problem?" Ilsa getting more confused with him. "I love you with all my heart and I'll protect you and our kid against my enemies." He is getting more nervous along the way, he knows how independent Ilsa is and he definitely doesn't know what's inside her had. "I don't need protecting Ethan but it's good to know you are there... I'll do my best not to repeat the horrors of our past and just focus on present."

"Uhmm... So I... it would be ok if...." Nervousness takes over Ethan that makes him very awkward each passing moment. "I think this will be perfect if..."

"What are you talking about Ethan? I can't understand you?" Scared of what to expect, this is definitely harder that finding the syndicate, Ethan thought. " ok... Ok....Ilsa, it would be my priveledge and happiness if you accept to be my wi...."

"Krrrrriiiiing! Kriiiinnnnnngggg!"

Ethan was cut short by Ilsa's celphone ringing inside the bedroom. "Uhmm let's continue later maybe it's Irma. I'll just answer my phone." He felt air comeback his lungs as soon as Ilsa went to the bedroom. Ethan thought that he will definitelg take any mission from IMF if he would be given a choice compared to this. He felt that this is more like life after several deaths, it would definitely put their relationship on fire if things go wrong.

Ethan's thoughts where diverted to a loud crash inside the bedroom, thinking it might be Ilsa falling from something, he rushed immediately, keeping the ring box for a whole in his pocket and sprinting towards the room.

What he wasn't prepared was seeing Ilsa pulling a safety compartment in the drawer, holding all his burner phones. All of which leaving messages from Langley of god knows what, all ignored by Ethan.

Ilsa checked one phone and it has a message that says Ethan to comeback to Langley for the secretary's debriefing, the message was dated a month ago. "I can explain Ilsa!" This is not something Ethan planned for, he knows that this will put a bump with his relationship with Ilsa. She has been adamant for him to make his plans certain between his career and her, and he knows that when he chooses to go back to Langley, he will never see her again, their line of work will prevent him from seeing her even if she give him full permission.

"Ilsa... I" both of them are speechless and silent, Ilsa looked far and long, her mask as an agent back to where it is making it hard for Ethan to read her.

But this day is full of surprises for Ethan for he doesn't know what Ilsa will say next.

"Come away with me Ethan, Let's leave this place."

"What?!."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again it took me long to finish this chapter.  
> After this chapter will be a bit more serious than the previous ones. Hope you enjoy this guys!


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